Is It Divorce Time Or Just January Blues?

January and September usually see a huge upspike in the number of people calling lawyers to get divorced.  Why is that?  People don't like to file for divorce during the holidays or during the summer.  They want to have that one last holiday season or summer together, for themselves or for the kids.
Divorce lawyers usually refer to January and September as "high season," because of the large numbers of new cases.  This is a cautionary tale - make sure, if you are thinking of hiring a lawyer and getting your divorce started, that you really want a divorce and are not just suffering the "January blues."

New Year's Resolutions

So how are those New Year's resolutions going?  Given up yet?  Perhaps you need different resolutions.  Try these on for size: 

• One day every week, refuse to complain, criticize or make a single negative comment. 
• Make eye contact and smile at someone every day.
• Keep a gratitude journal, every day writing down ten things for which you are grateful.

These three simple steps can turn your life around.  If your marriage is struggling, you might just be able to avoid a divorce.  If you are already divorced, making these positive changes could help you have better relationships in the future.  Either way, if you make these attitude changes part of your life, you will be a more optimistic, happy person.  And it doesn't cost a cent!

Cold Weather and Custody Issues

Cold weather has arrived.  Have you worked out the winter logistics to make things good for your child?  It is time to think about winter coats, gloves, hats, mufflers, boots and other gear.  They can be expensive, and are usually outgrown every year.  Who will buy them?  Who will replace them when they get lost?  How will these things get from one house to another when you have custody exchanges?  Will you and your ex have a set at each house?  And what will you do when your child needs to wear the set from your house to your ex's house?  Five minutes of conversation now with your ex can help prevent a miserably cold child as well as arguments between you and your ex down the road.  Know one thing - children lose things - expect that and be prepared to roll with it.  Don't yell at them for being what they are - children.

Report Cards After Divorce

It's that time of year again - report cards!  It would be wise to talk with your ex ahead of time to coordinate on rewards for your child's grades.  After divorce, people sometimes overlook discussions like this, but it is important to your child -- no matter how much he or she may pretend otherwise.  At least have the discussion and try to reach agreement on the rewards to be given your child for each A and B on the report card.  A word of advice: focusing on the positive - giving generous rewards for good grades - is much more effective than punishing for bad grades.
 

How Is Your Child Doing in School After Divorce?

Whether you have been divorced a week or five years, take a moment to reflect on how your child's school year is going.  How are her grades?  Does he like school this year?  Does she have friends?  Is he participating in clubs and activities?  And as a parent, what is your child's happiness score?  Now think about how you might talk with your child and help him or her.  After divorce, a child can still be dealing with things, but not opening up to you about it.  A little intervention now can go a long way.

School Issues and Divorce

Make sure you freely share information with your ex-spouse about your child's school events, both during and after your divorce, even if your ex can easily get this information on his or her own.  Why?  Because if your ex does not know about the event, he or she is not going to attend, and your child will be hurt.  As much as you don't want to spoon-feed information to your ex, I'm sure you don't want your child to feel the sadness of thinking one parent doesn't care about him or her.  And which one is more important - winning a battle or protecting your child from emotional pain?

Why Can't We All Just Get Along? & Divorce

To borrow the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?"  Just because two people are getting a divorce, does not mean they have to be vicious and hateful to each other.  This is especially true if there are children involved.  Parents who create a toxic environment of fighting are selfishly ignoring the harm they inflict upon their children by doing so.

I Want A Divorce - What Do I Do First?

You have made the important decision - you want to file for divorce. Now what do you do? According to Margaret Klaw, you should meet with an experienced divorce lawyer for at least one hour.  Internet research is not a substitute for this.  Bring as much information as you can compile on your income, your debts and your assets.  Make a list of information about your children - their full legal names, dates of birth and social security numbers.  This is just the starting point, the first thing you should do.  After meeting with a divorce lawyer, you will then need to decide what you will do next.  This is a big change in your life, and should be approached carefully and with good advice.

To read Margaret Klaw's article, go to
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/how-to-divorce-how-do-i-f_n_1504192.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

Why Is February Is The #1 Month For Divorce?

More divorces are filed in February than in any other month. Wonder why? Perhaps because the superficial trappings of romance - flowers, cards, dinner dates - are in our faces more in February than at any other time. Guess which month has the lowest number of divorce filings. October. Why? That one escapes me.

Here is a shocker: The average cost of a divorce is $18,400! And the average time it take to go through the divorce process is 8 months.

If you are divorced or are going through a divorce, how does your experience compare to these averages? Was yours more or less expensive than the average of $18,400? Did yours take longer, or were you in and out more quickly?

For more interesting facts on divorce,see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/richard-komaiko/february-most-active-mont_b_1269669.html?ref=divorce

10 Most Likely People To Cheat With Your Spouse

Who are the 10 most likely people for your spouse to fool around with? Infidelity or adultery is one of the leading causes of divorce. So who are the "usual suspects?"

According to an article by Marilyn Stowe, a divorce lawyer, link below, the most likely people are: your spouse's fitness instructor, a work colleague, a waitress or bartender met on vacation, the handyman/yard guy, a much younger person (midlife crisis), a friend's spouse, an old flame, a trauma partner (someone who has gone through a difficult experience with or similar to one endured by your spouse), a replacement version of you, and a fantasy person (grass is greener scenario). Consider yourself forewarned.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marilyn-stowe/the-top-10-stereotypical-_b_1235222.html

Is Monogamy A Bad Idea?

Are men genetically doomed to cheat? Since most men cheat anyway, should the very concept of monogamy be scrapped?

A new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love & The Reality of Cheating, by Eric Winchester, calls monogamy a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that leaves men angry throughout their lives. He surveyed 120 men, straight and gay, 78% of whom admitted to cheating on their partners. But the funny thing was, these men did not want their partners to cheat on them.

Winchester states that adultery has nothing to do with love, but just means the person wants to have sex with another person, and as such, should not be condemned. He says he is not advocating cheating, but that he is advocating "open and equitable sexual relationships."

He suggests it is not the sexual act of cheating that causes divorce, but being required, by society, to lie about it and cover it up that causes divorce. Is monogamy an outdated notion? Or, for that matter, is marriage? And what about the children who are the product of these various relationships?

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html.

Is Your Job Causing Your Divorce?

Is stress on the job causing stress in your relationship? Or is your spouse's job causing stress in your relationship? If so, take steps now to prevent your job or your spouse's job from causing you to divorce.

Studies have shown that people who work lots of overtime hours, who have frequent job-related travel and people who have non-standard work hours have higher divorce rates. In the current economy, we are all working harder. Employers are having two people do the work that used to be done by five people. The people who remain on the job are working longer hours and working harder, scrambling to keep their bosses happy, in order to keep their jobs. And with current technology, we are reachable 24/7,which means we all take our work home.

These factors lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. Exhaustion leads to unhappiness, to short tempers, to impatience, even to illness. None of these are conducive to happy, healthy marriages.

If you see yourself or your spouse heading down this path, take a moment and talk to each other. Pull together as a team to get through difficult times. It can strengthen your relationship, rather than pull it apart. If necessary, call in a professional - talk to a family therapist or counselor to get strategies on how to save your marriage.

For more information, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marsha-temlock/did-your-boss-cause-your-_b_1156353.html?ref=divorce.

5 Easy Tips to Enjoy Separate Holidays

If you have had a change in your family due to divorce, separation, military service or other reasons, this year you may be spending part or all of the holidays by yourself. This may feel a little odd. When things feel odd, people often fall into negative feelings – sadness, loneliness and disappointment.

You can avoid feeling bad during the holidays by following a few simple tips.

1. It’s all in the attitude. If you are determined to be miserable during the holidays, you will be. Wish granted! But do you really want that?

2. It is whatever you make it. Create the holidays you want. If you want to be happy during the holidays, close your eyes and daydream about how that will feel. Actually feeling it is important if you are going to create it. See it, smell it, feel it. See yourself curled up all cozy, watching you want on the tv, (not having to share the remote or negotiate on watching sports or kid’s programming versus what you want to see). Smell the hot chocolate, taste the Christmas cookies, feel the warmth of a fire in the fireplace, a cat or dog snuggled up next to you. There is no rule that you can’t have these things just because there is no one else in the room.

3. View it as a test-drive – as reconnaissance work for the future. If your children are spending the holidays with your ex, realize that they are going to grow up and move out someday anyway. There would have been plenty of future holidays without them even if your marriage had stayed intact. This year, test drive many of the options that are available to you, and start exploring the varied ways you can make this new chapter of your life even better than the previous.

4. Different is not automatically worse. People resist change, assuming it will be worse than the status quo. This is not true. Be open to the very real possibility that your new-found freedom will be a good thing, that you will now be able to do things you never could before. And if you need another reason to be convinced that the future will be better – you no longer have to spend the holidays with those obnoxious friends or relatives that came along with your ex. You know who I am talking about. There are always one or two whom you won’t miss.

5. Pamper yourself. You deserve it. You have worked hard and gotten through a difficult year. If you can’t afford a manicure or pedicure – no problem. Grab a bottle of nail polish and do your own. Give yourself a facial and a hot oil treatment. All you need is cold cream and vegetable oil. Kick back, watch too much tv, eat too many snacks, stay in your sweatpants and fuzzy socks all day, sleep as late as you want, and recharge those batteries. You deserve it. Happy Holidays!

Collaborative Divorce - Only Intelligent, Civilized People Need Apply

Ok, so the marriage is over. You've had a good cry and agonized over what could have been done differently. Now it is time to pick yourself up and figure out how you will get through the next phase - the divorce. Here are your options: Act like idiots, run up massive legal fees and hate each other for the rest of your lives, OR act like civilized, intelligent grown-ups. I have seen people with very complex issues who were able to get divorced inexpensively and amicably, and I have seen other people who turn their lives into a Jerry Springer show over trivial nonsense. So how do you avoid the Jerry Springer scenario? It takes both of you being civilized and intelligent, and it takes cooperation. It takes hiring the right kind of divorce lawyer - one who will not escalate the conflict. The lawyers who escalate conflict don't care about the permanent damage a nasty divorce can do to your entire family. They just care about getting rich off of your misery. On the other hand, lawyers who do collaborative law can help you navigate the treacherous waters of divorce more amicably, without the grief and damage to your family, and without jacking up the legal fees through confrontation. Everyone sits down together and creates the best solution for the entire family, instead of viciously attacking each other in court. Which would you choose?
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lynn-j-maier-esq/saving-your-sanity-with-c_b_1077335.html?ref=divorce

How To Hire A Good Divorce Lawyer

One of the most important decisions you will make in your divorce is your choice of divorce lawyer. While many divorce lawyers are good people who work hard in a thankless, high-stress career, just trying to support their families - there are lawyers out there who will escalate problems in your case in order to jack up their legal fees. You want a lawyer who is going to be straight with you and not just tell you what you want to hear, then hit you with an unexpectedly massive legal fees bill. You need to ask your divorce lawyer the best and worse case scenarios, what the local judges do in cases like yours, and a range of what the fees might be for your case.

Top 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble

Are you worried that you and your dearly beloved are headed to divorce court? If you are seeing any of the following things, don't ignore it. 1) Facebook messaging with an old lover (sneaking around); 2) Weight gain over 20% (giving up); 3) Sexy new underwear (duh); 4) Slacking on chores (don't care any more); 5) Writing down all costs (getting their ducks in a row). For more information on the Top 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble, read this article.

Read This Before You Sign That Pre-Nup

Alright, you're in love. We're all happy for you. And your dearly beloved sticks a 50 page document under your nose a few days before you are set to waltz down the aisle. Do you think, "We're in love. Our marriage will last. Since we are never going to divorce, what difference does it make if I sign this silly paper?" Not so fast, girlfriend or loverboy. Read this article on the 6 things you need to know about pre-nups. And don't you even think of signing the document without reading this article first.

What If You and Your Ex Have to Live Together After Divorce?

In today's economy, sometimes it can be many months or even a year or two before the house sells. Many people can barely afford one household, and they certainly can't afford two households - until the house sells. So, if you get stuck living with your ex for months or longer after the divorce, how do you keep from killing each other? Seriously, how do you live together without everyone being miserable - especially the kids? This great article helps you set ground rules in this situation. I'll bet you know someone who could use this information.

Why Do Men Move On Faster Than Women After Divorce?

It's not just your perception - divorced men really do remarry faster than divorced women. Do you wonder why that is? Is it because more women have custody of the children, so they are effectively taken out of the "dating pool" if they are busy raising the children, handling their day job, managing homework and running the kids around to their activities? Is it because men tend to get over things and bounce back quicker? Is it because women are busy working through the things that were problems so they don't make the same mistakes again? Is it because men don't want to cook and clean for themselves? Or is it something else? Read a great discussion of this topic.