Divorce and the Holidays

Is this your first holiday season after divorce?  Are you going through a divorce right now?  Does life look bleak and your future uncertain?  Focus on your health and well-being.  Resist the temptation to stay out late and drink too much alcohol, but don't be a hermit.  You need to get out some and socialize to feel a part of a community.  Take care of yourself.  Treat your self to a massage or a manicure, or if funds are tight, call a friend and give each other manis and pedis while listening to holiday music.  You will get through this, and you will be happy again.

Your Child Can Be Happy After Your Divorce

Many parents worry and stress about the impact their getting a divorce will have on their children.  From what I have observed over the 25+years that I have been a lawyer, I can tell you that the children usually bounce back quicker and better than the adults.  Often the kids are happier after the divorce than they were when living with two parents who were fighting or who simply did not want to be together.  The children are often relieved that the parents finally did what the kids wished they had done years before.
  There are several things you can do to help your child be happy after your divorce.  Do not fight with your spouse in front of the children.  No child should have to live in a war zone.  Do not bad mouth your spouse.  Get the child into counseling.  Do not discuss child support or other financial issues in front of your child.  Do not be so busy chasing after a new relationship that your child feels left behind.   Take the time to enjoy your child for the short period of time you will have before your child grows up and moves out.  This time will pass quickly and you cannot get it back.  Follow these tips and your child will be happier after your divorce.

School Issues and Divorce

This is the time of year when people tend to be in a hurry, thinking about and preparing for the holidays.  This is also the time of year when children's grades fall.  If you are going through divorce or are already divorced, your child may be attending events in more households this year than in the past.Your child may be distracted by the excitement and chaos of the holidays, and be giving less attention to the schoolwork.  Help your child remember to get homework completed and turned in, and to prepare for upcoming exams.

Holidays And Custody - How To Make It Better

Thanksgiving is over.  Good, bad or somewhere in the middle - it is behind us.  Take time today to reflect on what worked well for your children and what did not work well.  Talk with your ex about how to make the holidays better for your children.  Raising children after divorce is a constantly evolving process.  Make it better.  Your kids will thank you.

Thanksgiving After Divorce

A great attitude can make the hectic holidays much better, just as a lousy attitude can make you and everyone around you miserable.  Approaching the holidays with a positive attitude can make the holidays better for your child as well.  After divorce, your child might be attending more than one Thanksgiving celebration.  If that is the case, imagine how you would feel in his shoes, and try to make it easier, not harder on him.  Don't pressure her to eat every single dish on the table if she has another event to attend, where people will expect her to eat.  Understand if he gets a little crabby or impatient.  Would you really want to have to deal with that many relatives in one day?  And your child might be feeling somewhat awkward, especially if the celebrations include a new person in your life or your ex's life.  Be patient and kind.  Your child deserves that.

Report Cards After Divorce

It's that time of year again - report cards!  It would be wise to talk with your ex ahead of time to coordinate on rewards for your child's grades.  After divorce, people sometimes overlook discussions like this, but it is important to your child -- no matter how much he or she may pretend otherwise.  At least have the discussion and try to reach agreement on the rewards to be given your child for each A and B on the report card.  A word of advice: focusing on the positive - giving generous rewards for good grades - is much more effective than punishing for bad grades.
 

Halloween and Special Needs

Do you have a child on the autism spectrum, with sensory issues or other special needs?  Halloween can be unpleasant and uncomfortable for these children, dealing with crowds, scratchy costumes, loud noises, flashing lights and lack of predictability.  BUT -- there are ways to modify your festivities so your child can actually participate and have fun.  See this article from the Autism Society for great advice:
http://support.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=halloween_tips

Divorce Court is Temporary - Consequences are Permanent

When going through divorce, keep this in mind - Divorce Court is Temporary - Consequences are Permanent.  Although it can be all-consuming and feel as though it will never end, your divorce is a temporary phase of your life.  It is very brief compared to the rest of your life.  Try to keep a long-term perspective and focus on how your actions during the divorce will impact the rest of your life, and your child's life.

Child Custody and School

When crafting your child custody schedule, keep in mind how the different transportation arrangements from the two different households will impact your child's school day.  Will he have to ride the bus instead of being picked up?  Will she have to discontinue participation in after school activities?  Will he have to get up much earlier in order to get to school from one parent's house?

Why Can't We All Just Get Along? & Divorce

To borrow the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?"  Just because two people are getting a divorce, does not mean they have to be vicious and hateful to each other.  This is especially true if there are children involved.  Parents who create a toxic environment of fighting are selfishly ignoring the harm they inflict upon their children by doing so.

Man Charged With Torching His House Rather Than Give to His Wife in Divorce

Yes, you did read that correctly. A man in Pennsylvania has been charged with arson, insurance fraud and theft by deception for allegedly setting fire to the marital home, which was, under the divorce settlement, to have been sold and the proceeds paid to his ex-wife. The article describes that gas-soaked rags were found in the garage, the walls of which were also soaked with gasoline. He apparently filed an insurance claim on the fire loss. Talk about a series of bad decisions that he will have the rest of his life to regret.