Vacations After Divorce

It's time to be thinking about when and where you will go for vacation this year.  If you are divorced with children, that usually means you will need to consult your child custody plan and your former spouse as part of your summer planning.  Sooner is better than later.  Don't make plans and pay deposits until you are certain.  Early communication and good planning make prevent your vacations from being ruined after divorce.

Don't Shut Your Child Out After Divorce

Going through divorce can be a traumatic, stressful experience.  It is human nature to build some walls to protect yourself so you don't get hurt again.  When you do, be careful your walls don't put your child at a distance.  Your child needs you now more than ever.
 

New Year's Resolutions

So how are those New Year's resolutions going?  Given up yet?  Perhaps you need different resolutions.  Try these on for size: 

• One day every week, refuse to complain, criticize or make a single negative comment. 
• Make eye contact and smile at someone every day.
• Keep a gratitude journal, every day writing down ten things for which you are grateful.

These three simple steps can turn your life around.  If your marriage is struggling, you might just be able to avoid a divorce.  If you are already divorced, making these positive changes could help you have better relationships in the future.  Either way, if you make these attitude changes part of your life, you will be a more optimistic, happy person.  And it doesn't cost a cent!

Your Child Can Be Happy After Your Divorce

Many parents worry and stress about the impact their getting a divorce will have on their children.  From what I have observed over the 25+years that I have been a lawyer, I can tell you that the children usually bounce back quicker and better than the adults.  Often the kids are happier after the divorce than they were when living with two parents who were fighting or who simply did not want to be together.  The children are often relieved that the parents finally did what the kids wished they had done years before.
  There are several things you can do to help your child be happy after your divorce.  Do not fight with your spouse in front of the children.  No child should have to live in a war zone.  Do not bad mouth your spouse.  Get the child into counseling.  Do not discuss child support or other financial issues in front of your child.  Do not be so busy chasing after a new relationship that your child feels left behind.   Take the time to enjoy your child for the short period of time you will have before your child grows up and moves out.  This time will pass quickly and you cannot get it back.  Follow these tips and your child will be happier after your divorce.

Holiday Gifts For Children After Divorce

Believe it or not, the holidays can actually go smoothly and be a happy, fun time for your child after divorce.  Here is one tip:  Every year, you and your ex compile a list of what your child would like to receive for Christmas or Hannukah.  Discuss the list with each other and decide who will purchase which items for your child.  It can be a good thing to choose one big gift that will be from both of you, and split the cost.  It can mean a great deal to a child when his or her parents love the child enough to work together on a gift for the child.  Remember to put your child first.

School Issues and Divorce

This is the time of year when people tend to be in a hurry, thinking about and preparing for the holidays.  This is also the time of year when children's grades fall.  If you are going through divorce or are already divorced, your child may be attending events in more households this year than in the past.Your child may be distracted by the excitement and chaos of the holidays, and be giving less attention to the schoolwork.  Help your child remember to get homework completed and turned in, and to prepare for upcoming exams.

Holidays And Custody - How To Make It Better

Thanksgiving is over.  Good, bad or somewhere in the middle - it is behind us.  Take time today to reflect on what worked well for your children and what did not work well.  Talk with your ex about how to make the holidays better for your children.  Raising children after divorce is a constantly evolving process.  Make it better.  Your kids will thank you.

Thanksgiving After Divorce

A great attitude can make the hectic holidays much better, just as a lousy attitude can make you and everyone around you miserable.  Approaching the holidays with a positive attitude can make the holidays better for your child as well.  After divorce, your child might be attending more than one Thanksgiving celebration.  If that is the case, imagine how you would feel in his shoes, and try to make it easier, not harder on him.  Don't pressure her to eat every single dish on the table if she has another event to attend, where people will expect her to eat.  Understand if he gets a little crabby or impatient.  Would you really want to have to deal with that many relatives in one day?  And your child might be feeling somewhat awkward, especially if the celebrations include a new person in your life or your ex's life.  Be patient and kind.  Your child deserves that.

Cold Weather and Custody Issues

Cold weather has arrived.  Have you worked out the winter logistics to make things good for your child?  It is time to think about winter coats, gloves, hats, mufflers, boots and other gear.  They can be expensive, and are usually outgrown every year.  Who will buy them?  Who will replace them when they get lost?  How will these things get from one house to another when you have custody exchanges?  Will you and your ex have a set at each house?  And what will you do when your child needs to wear the set from your house to your ex's house?  Five minutes of conversation now with your ex can help prevent a miserably cold child as well as arguments between you and your ex down the road.  Know one thing - children lose things - expect that and be prepared to roll with it.  Don't yell at them for being what they are - children.

Halloween and Custody

Have you made arrangements with your ex yet for how Halloween will be handled this year?  If not, better get on it - Halloween is just around the corner.
Try not to view this as a situation for custody conflict.  Instead, try to view it from your kid's perspective -- an opportunity to get twice as much candy!  Keeping that in mind may help you work out this issue smoothly.  And face it, if you were a kid, wouldn't you want to trick-or-treat in two places instead of one?  Make this fun time work for your child.

Child Custody and School

When crafting your child custody schedule, keep in mind how the different transportation arrangements from the two different households will impact your child's school day.  Will he have to ride the bus instead of being picked up?  Will she have to discontinue participation in after school activities?  Will he have to get up much earlier in order to get to school from one parent's house?

Why Can't We All Just Get Along? & Divorce

To borrow the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?"  Just because two people are getting a divorce, does not mean they have to be vicious and hateful to each other.  This is especially true if there are children involved.  Parents who create a toxic environment of fighting are selfishly ignoring the harm they inflict upon their children by doing so.

I Want A Divorce - What Do I Do First?

You have made the important decision - you want to file for divorce. Now what do you do? According to Margaret Klaw, you should meet with an experienced divorce lawyer for at least one hour.  Internet research is not a substitute for this.  Bring as much information as you can compile on your income, your debts and your assets.  Make a list of information about your children - their full legal names, dates of birth and social security numbers.  This is just the starting point, the first thing you should do.  After meeting with a divorce lawyer, you will then need to decide what you will do next.  This is a big change in your life, and should be approached carefully and with good advice.

To read Margaret Klaw's article, go to
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/how-to-divorce-how-do-i-f_n_1504192.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

Bounce Back After Divorce

People often feel lost after divorce, wanting to move on and have new relationships, but not knowing how to meet people. The ways you met people before getting married have changed. You are no longer in college. You are no longer in the singles scene. You are busy raising the children from your marriage. You go to work and come home to take care of things grown-ups have to do. When are you going to meet people? And if you don't meet people, how are you going to find a new relationship?

Janis Spindel, of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc has several ideas on how to kick-start your new life after divorce, and it does not involve hanging out in bars. She says to make new friends of your own gender, and go places with them. You will go to new places and meet new people in a more comfortable setting than going out by yourself to meet people.

Also, Janis suggests just opening up and talking to people. Talk to people in line with you at the DMV, people doing jury duty with you, people sitting next to you on airplanes. This is low risk, because if you find you can't stand the person, you are unlikely to have to ever see them again.

She suggests that women go to sporting events if they want to meet a specific type of guy, or "pretend shop" in the men's section at department stores. She throws out the idea of asking for directions to a restaurant or bar when out walking on the street.

These ideas might not be the right fit for everyone, but if you find one that appeals to you, why not give it a whirl? You deserve to be happy.

To read Janis Spindel's article, go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janis-spindel/life-after-divorce-how-to_b_1721766.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce.

Why You Don't Want To Be Halle Berry

Halle Berry is, without a doubt, a beautiful, talented and successful woman. You would think she is living a dream life. But if you daydream about walking in her shoes for a day, think twice.

According to an article in the Huffington Post, Halle has been ordered by a judge to pay $20,000 a month in child support to the father of her four year old daughter, Nahla. That alone would give you good reason for pause. Halle and her ex have been fighting a custody battle over Nahla. Halle is asking the court to give her custody of Nahla so she can move to Paris. Before you get cynical about the 1%, realize that her fiance lives in France, and she wants to put distance between herself and two people who have given her cause to fear for her safety. The man convicted of stalking her has been let out of jail after serving only 193 days of a 386 day sentence, and another man, who has allegedly threatened to slit Halle's throat, escaped from a mental institution in February. So before you assume another person's life is all glitz and glamor, look a little deeper. It might just make you grateful for your own life.

Huffington Post article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/20/halle-berry-child-support-actress-ordered-pay-gabriel-aubry-20000-month_n_1612868.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

Should Your Family Hate Your Ex When You Divorce?

Should your family "choose sides" when there is a divorce? Do they betray you if they are still friendly with your ex when you are separated or divorced?

Lisa Marie Wilson, the author of an article on this subject, explores her mixed feelings about her family liking and visiting her ex after she moved out. They have a nine year relationship, and a daughter.

The article gives food for thought. Is it selfish to want your family to stop liking and socializing with your ex when you leave a long-term relationship? Is it healthy for the child for all the parties to get along and for her visits with relatives to be as close as possible to what she has known? It is good for all who have been divorced or separated to examine their feelings on this issue, and to then think about how their attitudes and feelings impact others, such as their children.

Ms. Wilson should be given points for her honesty and candor. To read the full article, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-marie-wilson/my-family-picked-my-ex-ov_b_1563856.html?ref=divorce.

What You Can Learn From Fifty Shades of Grey For Life After Divorce

According to Laura Campbell, the author of the article "Fifty Shades of Your New Life After Divorce, there are useful lessons that can be learned from the trendy book, actually trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey that be helpful in your new relationships after divorce. No, she is not referring to the obvious erotic content of the books.

Divorce can leave you overly protective and reactive. This is not conducive to happy, healthy relationships. If you are afraid to let people get close to you, or if you quickly react to things without thinking them through, you can squelch future relationships that could have been good.

We all have baggage, whether we have gone through divorce or not. If, as in Fifty Shades, people question and challenge each other and their baggage with "humor, desire and passion," perhaps good relationships can emerge where it might not have been expected.

Another lesson from Fifty Shades is that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes it is a good idea to look past how things might seem, and try to understand the reasons behind why people do the things they do.

In summary, relationships might be improved if people improve their communication with their partner with curiosity and compassion, not judging each other.

To read the entire article, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-campbell/fifty-shades-of-your-new-_b_1528666.html?ref=divorce."

Family Court Judge Explains Joint Custody and Sole Custody

One of the most confusion aspects of divorce is what label will be applied to the custody arrangement. Some states use the label "primary custody" while others use the label "sole custody." Then there is "joint custody." Parents understandably get emotional about which label will be applied to their case. Imagine if the judge awards "sole custody" to your spouse. What does that leave you? No custody? And when your friends ask you who got custody, isn't it better, as a parent, to be able to say the two of you got joint custody rather than to have to say the other parent got sole custody? It makes it sound as though you are no longer a parent, that you have been stripped of all your rights. And in many cases, if one parent has sole custody, the other parent does not have any right to see the child's school records or medical records or participate in major decisions.

Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of cases in which shutting off one parent from the child is the right thing to do - in cases of abuse, for example. The problem is when the labels take on a life of their own and cause more harm than good, achieving negative results that were never intended.

A family court judge has tried to explain sole custody and joint custody. "Divorce is hard enough, but deciding what type of custody to choose is not only difficult but also fraught with confusion. Unfortunately, because of this confusion, there is a lot of unnecessary expense and heartache." When the parties cannot agree on the labels, the case has to go to trial, and the judge has to make the decision on custody. "It is never an easy decision to make because, with sole custody, while you might have the rights I just mentioned, the trade off is the benefits of maximum contact with both parents. Too often anger at the other spouse influences this decision. But it is never a matter of what the other parent deserves when you put the focus on the children."

To read the rest of the family court judge's article, go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/01/how-to-divorce-how-can-i-get-full-custody_n_1468077.html?ref=divorce.

5 Hot Tips for Best Divorce Results

Want to know 5 Hot Tips for getting through your divorce successfully? You will eventually get through your divorce. How will your life be when you reach that point? To get the best results and not wreck your health or your spirit in the process, follow these suggestions:

1. Separate from your spouse as soon as possible. Living together during an ongoing divorce is a recipe for conflict and high stress.

2. Hire a good divorce lawyer who is a good fit for you. If you have a divorce lawyer who makes you feel terrible, you will not be happy. Divorce is stressful enough. Hire a divorce lawyer with whom you feel comfortable and confident.

3. Break it down into bite-size portions. Some of the financial and other paperwork of divorce can be massive and overwhelming. Break it down into smaller pieces - schedule several one or two hour blocks of time to work on those projects.

4. Make a wish list of settlement items. You never know when an opportunity for settlement will arise. Keep a running list of the things you would like to accomplish in the settlement of the case so you will be prepared and not forget something. Make sure your children are the first thing on your list.

5. When you feel like doing something negative or spiteful (such as send a nasty text message or post something snarky on Facebook), go take a walk instead. You will not regret the fresh air and exercise.

For more information, see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/edra-j-pollin/going-through-a-divorce-w_b_1248520.html.

10 Most Likely People To Cheat With Your Spouse

Who are the 10 most likely people for your spouse to fool around with? Infidelity or adultery is one of the leading causes of divorce. So who are the "usual suspects?"

According to an article by Marilyn Stowe, a divorce lawyer, link below, the most likely people are: your spouse's fitness instructor, a work colleague, a waitress or bartender met on vacation, the handyman/yard guy, a much younger person (midlife crisis), a friend's spouse, an old flame, a trauma partner (someone who has gone through a difficult experience with or similar to one endured by your spouse), a replacement version of you, and a fantasy person (grass is greener scenario). Consider yourself forewarned.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marilyn-stowe/the-top-10-stereotypical-_b_1235222.html