Thanksgiving After Divorce

A great attitude can make the hectic holidays much better, just as a lousy attitude can make you and everyone around you miserable.  Approaching the holidays with a positive attitude can make the holidays better for your child as well.  After divorce, your child might be attending more than one Thanksgiving celebration.  If that is the case, imagine how you would feel in his shoes, and try to make it easier, not harder on him.  Don't pressure her to eat every single dish on the table if she has another event to attend, where people will expect her to eat.  Understand if he gets a little crabby or impatient.  Would you really want to have to deal with that many relatives in one day?  And your child might be feeling somewhat awkward, especially if the celebrations include a new person in your life or your ex's life.  Be patient and kind.  Your child deserves that.

Tips for Happy, Fun Holidays After Divorce

The holidays are just around the corner. You have a choice to make. Will you have the holiday from hell, or will you have a wonderful time? To a great extent, it is your choice. After divorce, many things change, including how the holidays are celebrated. People often assume this will cause sadness, but look at it another way. If you always hated going to your in-laws for the holidays, guess what? You don't have to go anymore. Yippee. Now that you are beginning to see the upside to post-divorce holidays, how do you avoid the downside?

One of the most important tips is to plan well in advance. If you haven't already decided where the children are going for the holidays, pick up the phone and do it now. The later you wait, the more likelihood of problems and trampled feelings. Procrastinating will not make the decision go away - it will just make things worse. The better job you do of planning and avoiding problems, the happier the holidays will be for your children.

Another tip is to make new traditions. You may find the kids weren't too crazy about the old ways of doing things, and they might enjoy shaking things up a bit, especially if they get input on the new traditions, such as pizza for Thanksgiving. No, lightning did not strike me when I wrote that. Yes, my son and I have done pizza for Thanksgiving and loved it. We found out we never liked traditional Thanksgiving food, so why eat it? It's a holiday. Eat what you like.

Another tip is to throw out the unrealistic concept of "perfect holidays." A truly perfect holiday is being together, having fun, hanging out, having a food fight with spray cans of whipped cream. A perfect holiday is not measured by having a perfectly decorated house and a rigid schedule of fancy events.

It is important to realize that the first holidays after divorce may be emotional - but don't be surprised if one of the emotions is relief, not sadness. Give yourself permission to be human, and pamper yourself a little during those first holidays. You have been through alot - you deserve it.

If you are alternating holidays with your ex, you will have some holidays without the children. Don't despair. This opens up options that were not possible before. Take some "me" time. Go visit friends in a warm part of the country. Get caught up on sleep. Enjoy being able to go where you want, when you want, with whom you want, and to do what you want. Freedom can be a beautiful thing, especially when you don't automatically assume it will be sad and lonely. It can be a blast.

For more tips on having great holidays after divorce, read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/09/holiday-divorce-advice_n_1082486.html.