Cold Weather and Custody Issues

Cold weather has arrived.  Have you worked out the winter logistics to make things good for your child?  It is time to think about winter coats, gloves, hats, mufflers, boots and other gear.  They can be expensive, and are usually outgrown every year.  Who will buy them?  Who will replace them when they get lost?  How will these things get from one house to another when you have custody exchanges?  Will you and your ex have a set at each house?  And what will you do when your child needs to wear the set from your house to your ex's house?  Five minutes of conversation now with your ex can help prevent a miserably cold child as well as arguments between you and your ex down the road.  Know one thing - children lose things - expect that and be prepared to roll with it.  Don't yell at them for being what they are - children.

Why Is February Is The #1 Month For Divorce?

More divorces are filed in February than in any other month. Wonder why? Perhaps because the superficial trappings of romance - flowers, cards, dinner dates - are in our faces more in February than at any other time. Guess which month has the lowest number of divorce filings. October. Why? That one escapes me.

Here is a shocker: The average cost of a divorce is $18,400! And the average time it take to go through the divorce process is 8 months.

If you are divorced or are going through a divorce, how does your experience compare to these averages? Was yours more or less expensive than the average of $18,400? Did yours take longer, or were you in and out more quickly?

For more interesting facts on divorce,see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/richard-komaiko/february-most-active-mont_b_1269669.html?ref=divorce

Holiday Custody 101

The holidays are upon us. Your children will only have a limited number of holiday seasons in which to make the memories they will remember for the rest of their lives. What do you want those memories to be?

First of all, the holidays are for the children. There is a certain child-like magic of the holidays that few people manage to hold on when they are grown up.

Second, put yourself in your child's shoes for a moment. If you were to close your eyes and imagine your child's idea of a great Christmas, Hanukkah or other holiday, what would it be? I guarantee they would like their parents to get along for the holidays.

When parents argue with each other and squabble over details of visitation and custody arrangements, they RUIN the holidays for their children. Your children would much rather you just got along with each other rather than lash out at each other thinking you are entitled to because of some piece of paper from court. And calling the police on each other in front of the children traumatizes the children, especially during the holidays.

The bottom line is this: Being a parent does not give you the right to ruin the holidays for your children. Play nicely.

Keep Your Divorce From Ruining Childhood For Your Kids

People used to assume that children of divorced parents were automatically damaged. Now the research shows this is not true. In fact, if parents handle the divorce in a thoughtful, loving way with focus on the best interests of their children, the children can actually grow up more well-adjusted and happy than children whose parents stayed married but lived in conflict.

When children look back, years later, on the feelings they experienced when their parents were divorcing, they express four common problems. One, the loss of relationship with their fathers; two, ongoing parental conflict; three, loss of control over their own lives; and four, lack of communication with their parents before and during the divorce.

The first three on the list are self-explanatory. Be aware of those issues and try to spare your child from having those experiences. The fourth issue, communication, needs some discussion.

When children are not talked to before the divorce is filed, and are not given an opportunity to ask questions about the divorce, they will develop anxiety and a sense of helplessness. Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how you would feel if, when you were a child, your parents blindsided you with the news one day that they had filed for divorce. You would have a hard time trusting them in the future, and you would be worried about what else they would drop on you without warning in the future. So how do you communicate appropriately with your children about your divorce, without saying the wrong things or too much?

Talk calmly to them before filing. Don't go into blame games or into unnecessary details. The level of detail will depend upon the child's age and emotional maturity. Explain how the divorce will impact their lives. They need to know where they will be living, where they will be going to school and what their schedule will be. Wouldn't you want to know these things? Consider their feelings and opinions before you nail down the details of the divorce, especially the parenting time or child custody schedule. If your parenting schedule would cause your child to have to drop out of an activity or get up at 4:00 am, rethink and rework the schedule. This sounds complicated, but it isn't. Simply treat your children the way you would want to be treated.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joseph-nowinski-phd/helping-children-survive-_5_b_1082850.html?ref=divorce

Stop Marrying the Wrong People

They say even a blind hog can find an acorn now and then. So why can't some people ever find good spouses to spend their lives with? Why is it that so many people who are very good at many other things, are lousy at choosing the people they marry?

In my years as a divorce lawyer, I have noticed that the people who are "hopeless romantics" tend to fall in and out of love (and divorce court). On the other hand, the people whose relationships would never be fodder for a romance novel often get married once and stay married to that same person for the rest of their lives.

So how do you make sure you have a marriage that lasts? Simple. Treat it like buying a house. Have a thorough inspection. This means going for marriage counseling and thoroughly exploring your compatibility and the reasons both of you want to get married. If the proposed relationship passes this inspection, then go for it - and then you can enjoy the romance part without worries.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ed-housewright/after-two-divorces-ill-ne_b_1033704.html?ref=divorce