Divorce Court is Temporary - Consequences are Permanent

When going through divorce, keep this in mind - Divorce Court is Temporary - Consequences are Permanent.  Although it can be all-consuming and feel as though it will never end, your divorce is a temporary phase of your life.  It is very brief compared to the rest of your life.  Try to keep a long-term perspective and focus on how your actions during the divorce will impact the rest of your life, and your child's life.

Child Custody and School

When crafting your child custody schedule, keep in mind how the different transportation arrangements from the two different households will impact your child's school day.  Will he have to ride the bus instead of being picked up?  Will she have to discontinue participation in after school activities?  Will he have to get up much earlier in order to get to school from one parent's house?

Why Can't We All Just Get Along? & Divorce

To borrow the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?"  Just because two people are getting a divorce, does not mean they have to be vicious and hateful to each other.  This is especially true if there are children involved.  Parents who create a toxic environment of fighting are selfishly ignoring the harm they inflict upon their children by doing so.

Bounce Back After Divorce

People often feel lost after divorce, wanting to move on and have new relationships, but not knowing how to meet people. The ways you met people before getting married have changed. You are no longer in college. You are no longer in the singles scene. You are busy raising the children from your marriage. You go to work and come home to take care of things grown-ups have to do. When are you going to meet people? And if you don't meet people, how are you going to find a new relationship?

Janis Spindel, of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc has several ideas on how to kick-start your new life after divorce, and it does not involve hanging out in bars. She says to make new friends of your own gender, and go places with them. You will go to new places and meet new people in a more comfortable setting than going out by yourself to meet people.

Also, Janis suggests just opening up and talking to people. Talk to people in line with you at the DMV, people doing jury duty with you, people sitting next to you on airplanes. This is low risk, because if you find you can't stand the person, you are unlikely to have to ever see them again.

She suggests that women go to sporting events if they want to meet a specific type of guy, or "pretend shop" in the men's section at department stores. She throws out the idea of asking for directions to a restaurant or bar when out walking on the street.

These ideas might not be the right fit for everyone, but if you find one that appeals to you, why not give it a whirl? You deserve to be happy.

To read Janis Spindel's article, go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janis-spindel/life-after-divorce-how-to_b_1721766.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce.

What You Can Learn From Fifty Shades of Grey For Life After Divorce

According to Laura Campbell, the author of the article "Fifty Shades of Your New Life After Divorce, there are useful lessons that can be learned from the trendy book, actually trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey that be helpful in your new relationships after divorce. No, she is not referring to the obvious erotic content of the books.

Divorce can leave you overly protective and reactive. This is not conducive to happy, healthy relationships. If you are afraid to let people get close to you, or if you quickly react to things without thinking them through, you can squelch future relationships that could have been good.

We all have baggage, whether we have gone through divorce or not. If, as in Fifty Shades, people question and challenge each other and their baggage with "humor, desire and passion," perhaps good relationships can emerge where it might not have been expected.

Another lesson from Fifty Shades is that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes it is a good idea to look past how things might seem, and try to understand the reasons behind why people do the things they do.

In summary, relationships might be improved if people improve their communication with their partner with curiosity and compassion, not judging each other.

To read the entire article, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-campbell/fifty-shades-of-your-new-_b_1528666.html?ref=divorce."

Family Court Judge Explains Joint Custody and Sole Custody

One of the most confusion aspects of divorce is what label will be applied to the custody arrangement. Some states use the label "primary custody" while others use the label "sole custody." Then there is "joint custody." Parents understandably get emotional about which label will be applied to their case. Imagine if the judge awards "sole custody" to your spouse. What does that leave you? No custody? And when your friends ask you who got custody, isn't it better, as a parent, to be able to say the two of you got joint custody rather than to have to say the other parent got sole custody? It makes it sound as though you are no longer a parent, that you have been stripped of all your rights. And in many cases, if one parent has sole custody, the other parent does not have any right to see the child's school records or medical records or participate in major decisions.

Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of cases in which shutting off one parent from the child is the right thing to do - in cases of abuse, for example. The problem is when the labels take on a life of their own and cause more harm than good, achieving negative results that were never intended.

A family court judge has tried to explain sole custody and joint custody. "Divorce is hard enough, but deciding what type of custody to choose is not only difficult but also fraught with confusion. Unfortunately, because of this confusion, there is a lot of unnecessary expense and heartache." When the parties cannot agree on the labels, the case has to go to trial, and the judge has to make the decision on custody. "It is never an easy decision to make because, with sole custody, while you might have the rights I just mentioned, the trade off is the benefits of maximum contact with both parents. Too often anger at the other spouse influences this decision. But it is never a matter of what the other parent deserves when you put the focus on the children."

To read the rest of the family court judge's article, go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/01/how-to-divorce-how-can-i-get-full-custody_n_1468077.html?ref=divorce.

5 Hot Tips for Best Divorce Results

Want to know 5 Hot Tips for getting through your divorce successfully? You will eventually get through your divorce. How will your life be when you reach that point? To get the best results and not wreck your health or your spirit in the process, follow these suggestions:

1. Separate from your spouse as soon as possible. Living together during an ongoing divorce is a recipe for conflict and high stress.

2. Hire a good divorce lawyer who is a good fit for you. If you have a divorce lawyer who makes you feel terrible, you will not be happy. Divorce is stressful enough. Hire a divorce lawyer with whom you feel comfortable and confident.

3. Break it down into bite-size portions. Some of the financial and other paperwork of divorce can be massive and overwhelming. Break it down into smaller pieces - schedule several one or two hour blocks of time to work on those projects.

4. Make a wish list of settlement items. You never know when an opportunity for settlement will arise. Keep a running list of the things you would like to accomplish in the settlement of the case so you will be prepared and not forget something. Make sure your children are the first thing on your list.

5. When you feel like doing something negative or spiteful (such as send a nasty text message or post something snarky on Facebook), go take a walk instead. You will not regret the fresh air and exercise.

For more information, see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/edra-j-pollin/going-through-a-divorce-w_b_1248520.html.

Collaborative Divorce - Only Intelligent, Civilized People Need Apply

Ok, so the marriage is over. You've had a good cry and agonized over what could have been done differently. Now it is time to pick yourself up and figure out how you will get through the next phase - the divorce. Here are your options: Act like idiots, run up massive legal fees and hate each other for the rest of your lives, OR act like civilized, intelligent grown-ups. I have seen people with very complex issues who were able to get divorced inexpensively and amicably, and I have seen other people who turn their lives into a Jerry Springer show over trivial nonsense. So how do you avoid the Jerry Springer scenario? It takes both of you being civilized and intelligent, and it takes cooperation. It takes hiring the right kind of divorce lawyer - one who will not escalate the conflict. The lawyers who escalate conflict don't care about the permanent damage a nasty divorce can do to your entire family. They just care about getting rich off of your misery. On the other hand, lawyers who do collaborative law can help you navigate the treacherous waters of divorce more amicably, without the grief and damage to your family, and without jacking up the legal fees through confrontation. Everyone sits down together and creates the best solution for the entire family, instead of viciously attacking each other in court. Which would you choose?
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lynn-j-maier-esq/saving-your-sanity-with-c_b_1077335.html?ref=divorce

Are Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorcing?

Rumors are flying that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are splitting, after just 3 months of marriage. The story was splashed on the front page of two tabloids recently. Is it true? Or is it just yet another publicity stunt? This article says the couple denies having any problems. One has to wonder how often celebrity couples split up from the stress of people wondering if they are splitting up.

On The Money - Best Times To Get A Divorce

We all know that the best time to get a divorce is after the relationship is over and before you hate each other. But financially speaking - what is the best time to get a divorce? If you want to have the smoothest transition to single life and not be financially destitute, you need to pay attention to these important financial factors. The Five Best Times to get a divorce are: When real estate is selling well, when your credit cards are paid off, when the kids are going off to college, when you have a great credit score, and before you inherit a windfall. For more information, see this article.

Top Causes for Divorce - Not What You Think

You would assume that divorce is caused mainly by one spouse treating the other spouse badly - physical abuse, adultery, disrespect, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and other things like addiction. Think again. The economy is a top cause for today's divorces. Three of the top five causes for divorce today are job loss, housing problems and credit card debt. How do you deal with divorce in today's economic situation? You need to read this great article.