Report Cards After Divorce

It's that time of year again - report cards!  It would be wise to talk with your ex ahead of time to coordinate on rewards for your child's grades.  After divorce, people sometimes overlook discussions like this, but it is important to your child -- no matter how much he or she may pretend otherwise.  At least have the discussion and try to reach agreement on the rewards to be given your child for each A and B on the report card.  A word of advice: focusing on the positive - giving generous rewards for good grades - is much more effective than punishing for bad grades.
 

How Is Your Child Doing in School After Divorce?

Whether you have been divorced a week or five years, take a moment to reflect on how your child's school year is going.  How are her grades?  Does he like school this year?  Does she have friends?  Is he participating in clubs and activities?  And as a parent, what is your child's happiness score?  Now think about how you might talk with your child and help him or her.  After divorce, a child can still be dealing with things, but not opening up to you about it.  A little intervention now can go a long way.

Bounce Back After Divorce

People often feel lost after divorce, wanting to move on and have new relationships, but not knowing how to meet people. The ways you met people before getting married have changed. You are no longer in college. You are no longer in the singles scene. You are busy raising the children from your marriage. You go to work and come home to take care of things grown-ups have to do. When are you going to meet people? And if you don't meet people, how are you going to find a new relationship?

Janis Spindel, of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc has several ideas on how to kick-start your new life after divorce, and it does not involve hanging out in bars. She says to make new friends of your own gender, and go places with them. You will go to new places and meet new people in a more comfortable setting than going out by yourself to meet people.

Also, Janis suggests just opening up and talking to people. Talk to people in line with you at the DMV, people doing jury duty with you, people sitting next to you on airplanes. This is low risk, because if you find you can't stand the person, you are unlikely to have to ever see them again.

She suggests that women go to sporting events if they want to meet a specific type of guy, or "pretend shop" in the men's section at department stores. She throws out the idea of asking for directions to a restaurant or bar when out walking on the street.

These ideas might not be the right fit for everyone, but if you find one that appeals to you, why not give it a whirl? You deserve to be happy.

To read Janis Spindel's article, go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janis-spindel/life-after-divorce-how-to_b_1721766.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce.

8 Rights of Children of Divorce

All children have certain rights, and children of divorced parents need special attention to their rights for them to come through their parents' divorce happy and emotionally healthy. Honoring the following rights of children of divorce will help make that happen.

1. The right to freedom from arguments with your ex-spouse. Arguing in front of the children hurts the children. Your children have to right to not see their parents attack each other, verbally or otherwise.

2. The right to not take sides. Don't make your children pass judgment of their other parent, or take sides. Your children need to love both of you as much as your children need to be loved by both of you.

3. The right to freedom from deceit. Don't ask your children to keep secrets from their other parent. This puts them in the middle, and pressures them to deceive or lie to one parent in order to not betray the other parent.

4. The right to remain silent. Do not use your children to deliver messages to the other parent. No one wants to be the messenger. The messenger gets shot. Don't do this to your child.

5. The right to a childhood. Boundaries are important for the children of divorce. Do not pull your child into discussions of financial issues or adult issues, and do not use your child as your confidant. If you do, you are truly using your child. They don't want to hear you cry on their shoulders. They want to be kids. Go cry to your sister or your friend. Leave your child out of it.

6. The right to a good relationship with both parents. Don't pester your child with constant text messages, phone calls, etc when they are with the other parent. When you do this, you are interrupting whatever the child is doing with the other parent, and interfering with the child's relationship with the other parent. You get your time - leave theirs alone. Don't make the child feel as though he is taffy being pulled between the two of you.

7.The right to calm transitions. Pick ups and drop offs should be looked forward to by the children, not dreaded. If you use these custody exchanges as times to rail on your ex about late child support payments or other complaints, you are subjecting your child to exchanges they will dread. If necessary, avoid contact at exchanges, by having the parent pick the child up from school instead of from the other parent's house.

8. The right to Happiness after divorce. Your child deserves a happy life, both during and after your divorce. This is your divorce, not theirs. You do not have the right to ruin their childhood by trampling on their rights. To do so is selfish and self-centered.

Your child can be very happy, well-adjusted and emotionally healthy, during and after your divorce. Follow these simple guidelines, and you will be well on your way to giving your child one of the greatest gifts of all - a happy childhood.

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-a-ross-ma/a-divorced-childs-bill-of_b_1184270.html.

Think You Know How Your Kids Feel About Your Divorce? Think Again.

Do you think you know how your kids feel about your divorce? Not so fast. Read here for helpful information on how kids really feel about their parents' divorces - about the conflict, the rules, the two households, and about parents putting the kids in the middle. It's a real eye-opener.

7 Tips For a Civilized and Child-Centered Divorce

As a practicing divorce lawyer, I frequently see parents so obsessed with fighting during their divorce that they do not notice how much they are hurting their children. Each parent will have an excuse - really, a justification - for their behavior, and it is always the other spouse's fault of course, never theirs. Some people who are ordinarily perfectly normal act like spoiled brats during their divorces. When this happens, it is the children who really suffer. Read here for 7 tips on having a civilized and child-centered divorce. These include: use of therapy, talking to your children and reassuring them of your love, modeling the behavior you want to see in them,remembering that the money you don't spend on litigation costs can go into their college accounts, and much more. You CAN do this, and your children deserve it.

Grandparents and Divorce - What About Grandma?

The issue of how the divorce of their adult children will affect the grandparents is seldom raised during divorce. After the divorce, however, the grandparents might be called on more to help out with child care for their single-parent offspring, or the grandparents might see the grandchildren less after divorce.

This excellent article explores these issues, and makes a very good case for considering how the divorce of their adult children will affect the grandparents.