5 Easy Tips to Enjoy Separate Holidays

If you have had a change in your family due to divorce, separation, military service or other reasons, this year you may be spending part or all of the holidays by yourself. This may feel a little odd. When things feel odd, people often fall into negative feelings – sadness, loneliness and disappointment.

You can avoid feeling bad during the holidays by following a few simple tips.

1. It’s all in the attitude. If you are determined to be miserable during the holidays, you will be. Wish granted! But do you really want that?

2. It is whatever you make it. Create the holidays you want. If you want to be happy during the holidays, close your eyes and daydream about how that will feel. Actually feeling it is important if you are going to create it. See it, smell it, feel it. See yourself curled up all cozy, watching you want on the tv, (not having to share the remote or negotiate on watching sports or kid’s programming versus what you want to see). Smell the hot chocolate, taste the Christmas cookies, feel the warmth of a fire in the fireplace, a cat or dog snuggled up next to you. There is no rule that you can’t have these things just because there is no one else in the room.

3. View it as a test-drive – as reconnaissance work for the future. If your children are spending the holidays with your ex, realize that they are going to grow up and move out someday anyway. There would have been plenty of future holidays without them even if your marriage had stayed intact. This year, test drive many of the options that are available to you, and start exploring the varied ways you can make this new chapter of your life even better than the previous.

4. Different is not automatically worse. People resist change, assuming it will be worse than the status quo. This is not true. Be open to the very real possibility that your new-found freedom will be a good thing, that you will now be able to do things you never could before. And if you need another reason to be convinced that the future will be better – you no longer have to spend the holidays with those obnoxious friends or relatives that came along with your ex. You know who I am talking about. There are always one or two whom you won’t miss.

5. Pamper yourself. You deserve it. You have worked hard and gotten through a difficult year. If you can’t afford a manicure or pedicure – no problem. Grab a bottle of nail polish and do your own. Give yourself a facial and a hot oil treatment. All you need is cold cream and vegetable oil. Kick back, watch too much tv, eat too many snacks, stay in your sweatpants and fuzzy socks all day, sleep as late as you want, and recharge those batteries. You deserve it. Happy Holidays!