Holiday Gifts For Children After Divorce

Believe it or not, the holidays can actually go smoothly and be a happy, fun time for your child after divorce.  Here is one tip:  Every year, you and your ex compile a list of what your child would like to receive for Christmas or Hannukah.  Discuss the list with each other and decide who will purchase which items for your child.  It can be a good thing to choose one big gift that will be from both of you, and split the cost.  It can mean a great deal to a child when his or her parents love the child enough to work together on a gift for the child.  Remember to put your child first.

School Issues and Divorce

This is the time of year when people tend to be in a hurry, thinking about and preparing for the holidays.  This is also the time of year when children's grades fall.  If you are going through divorce or are already divorced, your child may be attending events in more households this year than in the past.Your child may be distracted by the excitement and chaos of the holidays, and be giving less attention to the schoolwork.  Help your child remember to get homework completed and turned in, and to prepare for upcoming exams.

Holidays And Custody - How To Make It Better

Thanksgiving is over.  Good, bad or somewhere in the middle - it is behind us.  Take time today to reflect on what worked well for your children and what did not work well.  Talk with your ex about how to make the holidays better for your children.  Raising children after divorce is a constantly evolving process.  Make it better.  Your kids will thank you.

Thanksgiving After Divorce

A great attitude can make the hectic holidays much better, just as a lousy attitude can make you and everyone around you miserable.  Approaching the holidays with a positive attitude can make the holidays better for your child as well.  After divorce, your child might be attending more than one Thanksgiving celebration.  If that is the case, imagine how you would feel in his shoes, and try to make it easier, not harder on him.  Don't pressure her to eat every single dish on the table if she has another event to attend, where people will expect her to eat.  Understand if he gets a little crabby or impatient.  Would you really want to have to deal with that many relatives in one day?  And your child might be feeling somewhat awkward, especially if the celebrations include a new person in your life or your ex's life.  Be patient and kind.  Your child deserves that.

Cold Weather and Custody Issues

Cold weather has arrived.  Have you worked out the winter logistics to make things good for your child?  It is time to think about winter coats, gloves, hats, mufflers, boots and other gear.  They can be expensive, and are usually outgrown every year.  Who will buy them?  Who will replace them when they get lost?  How will these things get from one house to another when you have custody exchanges?  Will you and your ex have a set at each house?  And what will you do when your child needs to wear the set from your house to your ex's house?  Five minutes of conversation now with your ex can help prevent a miserably cold child as well as arguments between you and your ex down the road.  Know one thing - children lose things - expect that and be prepared to roll with it.  Don't yell at them for being what they are - children.

Report Cards After Divorce

It's that time of year again - report cards!  It would be wise to talk with your ex ahead of time to coordinate on rewards for your child's grades.  After divorce, people sometimes overlook discussions like this, but it is important to your child -- no matter how much he or she may pretend otherwise.  At least have the discussion and try to reach agreement on the rewards to be given your child for each A and B on the report card.  A word of advice: focusing on the positive - giving generous rewards for good grades - is much more effective than punishing for bad grades.
 

Halloween and Special Needs

Do you have a child on the autism spectrum, with sensory issues or other special needs?  Halloween can be unpleasant and uncomfortable for these children, dealing with crowds, scratchy costumes, loud noises, flashing lights and lack of predictability.  BUT -- there are ways to modify your festivities so your child can actually participate and have fun.  See this article from the Autism Society for great advice:
http://support.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=halloween_tips

Halloween and Custody

Have you made arrangements with your ex yet for how Halloween will be handled this year?  If not, better get on it - Halloween is just around the corner.
Try not to view this as a situation for custody conflict.  Instead, try to view it from your kid's perspective -- an opportunity to get twice as much candy!  Keeping that in mind may help you work out this issue smoothly.  And face it, if you were a kid, wouldn't you want to trick-or-treat in two places instead of one?  Make this fun time work for your child.

How Is Your Child Doing in School After Divorce?

Whether you have been divorced a week or five years, take a moment to reflect on how your child's school year is going.  How are her grades?  Does he like school this year?  Does she have friends?  Is he participating in clubs and activities?  And as a parent, what is your child's happiness score?  Now think about how you might talk with your child and help him or her.  After divorce, a child can still be dealing with things, but not opening up to you about it.  A little intervention now can go a long way.

Holidays and Custody

It is mid-October.  Fall is in the air.  The leaves are changing.  You want to sip a cup of tea (or a glass of wine) on the deck and savor the moment.  NOT SO FAST!  Have you nailed down your holiday custody and visitation schedule in writing?  A big mistake many people make after divorce is not addressing the holiday schedule issue until right before the holidays.  Then it is often too late to avoid problems, as both parents may have made plans.  Take care of the holiday scheduling now, then enjoy that glass of wine.

School Issues and Divorce

Make sure you freely share information with your ex-spouse about your child's school events, both during and after your divorce, even if your ex can easily get this information on his or her own.  Why?  Because if your ex does not know about the event, he or she is not going to attend, and your child will be hurt.  As much as you don't want to spoon-feed information to your ex, I'm sure you don't want your child to feel the sadness of thinking one parent doesn't care about him or her.  And which one is more important - winning a battle or protecting your child from emotional pain?

Put Your Children First in Divorce

When you are going through divorce, step back and look at how your actions will affect your children.  They did not ask to be in this situation.  They have no control over the situation.  And the actions you and your spouse take now will impact their lives more than most anything else.  The children are the innocent victims.  Put their needs and interests first.

Divorce Court is Temporary - Consequences are Permanent

When going through divorce, keep this in mind - Divorce Court is Temporary - Consequences are Permanent.  Although it can be all-consuming and feel as though it will never end, your divorce is a temporary phase of your life.  It is very brief compared to the rest of your life.  Try to keep a long-term perspective and focus on how your actions during the divorce will impact the rest of your life, and your child's life.

Child Custody and School

When crafting your child custody schedule, keep in mind how the different transportation arrangements from the two different households will impact your child's school day.  Will he have to ride the bus instead of being picked up?  Will she have to discontinue participation in after school activities?  Will he have to get up much earlier in order to get to school from one parent's house?

Why Can't We All Just Get Along? & Divorce

To borrow the words of Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?"  Just because two people are getting a divorce, does not mean they have to be vicious and hateful to each other.  This is especially true if there are children involved.  Parents who create a toxic environment of fighting are selfishly ignoring the harm they inflict upon their children by doing so.

I Want A Divorce - What Do I Do First?

You have made the important decision - you want to file for divorce. Now what do you do? According to Margaret Klaw, you should meet with an experienced divorce lawyer for at least one hour.  Internet research is not a substitute for this.  Bring as much information as you can compile on your income, your debts and your assets.  Make a list of information about your children - their full legal names, dates of birth and social security numbers.  This is just the starting point, the first thing you should do.  After meeting with a divorce lawyer, you will then need to decide what you will do next.  This is a big change in your life, and should be approached carefully and with good advice.

To read Margaret Klaw's article, go to
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/how-to-divorce-how-do-i-f_n_1504192.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

Bounce Back After Divorce

People often feel lost after divorce, wanting to move on and have new relationships, but not knowing how to meet people. The ways you met people before getting married have changed. You are no longer in college. You are no longer in the singles scene. You are busy raising the children from your marriage. You go to work and come home to take care of things grown-ups have to do. When are you going to meet people? And if you don't meet people, how are you going to find a new relationship?

Janis Spindel, of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc has several ideas on how to kick-start your new life after divorce, and it does not involve hanging out in bars. She says to make new friends of your own gender, and go places with them. You will go to new places and meet new people in a more comfortable setting than going out by yourself to meet people.

Also, Janis suggests just opening up and talking to people. Talk to people in line with you at the DMV, people doing jury duty with you, people sitting next to you on airplanes. This is low risk, because if you find you can't stand the person, you are unlikely to have to ever see them again.

She suggests that women go to sporting events if they want to meet a specific type of guy, or "pretend shop" in the men's section at department stores. She throws out the idea of asking for directions to a restaurant or bar when out walking on the street.

These ideas might not be the right fit for everyone, but if you find one that appeals to you, why not give it a whirl? You deserve to be happy.

To read Janis Spindel's article, go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janis-spindel/life-after-divorce-how-to_b_1721766.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Settle Their Divorce Quickly - So Can You

All eyes have been on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for the last week, ever since it was reported that Katie had filed for divorce. Wild rumors swirled about Scientology and whether that was the reason behind the divorce. Other rumors focused on their daughter, Suri, and whether Katie was trying to protect the child from exposure to Scientology. Still other rumors have reported that under the prenuptial agreement, Katie will get $3 million for every year they were together, as well as their Montecito home, while others have countered that Katie will walk away with little more than she had before they married.

Those whose eyes were gleaming at the prospect of a knock-down, drag-out tabloid battle are whimpering in their corners now. Those who had sharpened their knives in preparation for the anticipated feast of scandal will have to be voyeurs in some other family's tragedy. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes appear to have pulled off one of the greatest successes of their lives - a civilized, quick divorce. Congratulations, Tom and Katie. May many people across the planet learn from your example.

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/09/tom-cruise-katie-holmes-divorce-settlement_n_1659293.html.

Why You Don't Want To Be Halle Berry

Halle Berry is, without a doubt, a beautiful, talented and successful woman. You would think she is living a dream life. But if you daydream about walking in her shoes for a day, think twice.

According to an article in the Huffington Post, Halle has been ordered by a judge to pay $20,000 a month in child support to the father of her four year old daughter, Nahla. That alone would give you good reason for pause. Halle and her ex have been fighting a custody battle over Nahla. Halle is asking the court to give her custody of Nahla so she can move to Paris. Before you get cynical about the 1%, realize that her fiance lives in France, and she wants to put distance between herself and two people who have given her cause to fear for her safety. The man convicted of stalking her has been let out of jail after serving only 193 days of a 386 day sentence, and another man, who has allegedly threatened to slit Halle's throat, escaped from a mental institution in February. So before you assume another person's life is all glitz and glamor, look a little deeper. It might just make you grateful for your own life.

Huffington Post article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/20/halle-berry-child-support-actress-ordered-pay-gabriel-aubry-20000-month_n_1612868.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

Should Your Family Hate Your Ex When You Divorce?

Should your family "choose sides" when there is a divorce? Do they betray you if they are still friendly with your ex when you are separated or divorced?

Lisa Marie Wilson, the author of an article on this subject, explores her mixed feelings about her family liking and visiting her ex after she moved out. They have a nine year relationship, and a daughter.

The article gives food for thought. Is it selfish to want your family to stop liking and socializing with your ex when you leave a long-term relationship? Is it healthy for the child for all the parties to get along and for her visits with relatives to be as close as possible to what she has known? It is good for all who have been divorced or separated to examine their feelings on this issue, and to then think about how their attitudes and feelings impact others, such as their children.

Ms. Wilson should be given points for her honesty and candor. To read the full article, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-marie-wilson/my-family-picked-my-ex-ov_b_1563856.html?ref=divorce.