Why Is February Is The #1 Month For Divorce?

More divorces are filed in February than in any other month. Wonder why? Perhaps because the superficial trappings of romance - flowers, cards, dinner dates - are in our faces more in February than at any other time. Guess which month has the lowest number of divorce filings. October. Why? That one escapes me.

Here is a shocker: The average cost of a divorce is $18,400! And the average time it take to go through the divorce process is 8 months.

If you are divorced or are going through a divorce, how does your experience compare to these averages? Was yours more or less expensive than the average of $18,400? Did yours take longer, or were you in and out more quickly?

For more interesting facts on divorce,see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/richard-komaiko/february-most-active-mont_b_1269669.html?ref=divorce

5 Hot Tips for Best Divorce Results

Want to know 5 Hot Tips for getting through your divorce successfully? You will eventually get through your divorce. How will your life be when you reach that point? To get the best results and not wreck your health or your spirit in the process, follow these suggestions:

1. Separate from your spouse as soon as possible. Living together during an ongoing divorce is a recipe for conflict and high stress.

2. Hire a good divorce lawyer who is a good fit for you. If you have a divorce lawyer who makes you feel terrible, you will not be happy. Divorce is stressful enough. Hire a divorce lawyer with whom you feel comfortable and confident.

3. Break it down into bite-size portions. Some of the financial and other paperwork of divorce can be massive and overwhelming. Break it down into smaller pieces - schedule several one or two hour blocks of time to work on those projects.

4. Make a wish list of settlement items. You never know when an opportunity for settlement will arise. Keep a running list of the things you would like to accomplish in the settlement of the case so you will be prepared and not forget something. Make sure your children are the first thing on your list.

5. When you feel like doing something negative or spiteful (such as send a nasty text message or post something snarky on Facebook), go take a walk instead. You will not regret the fresh air and exercise.

For more information, see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/edra-j-pollin/going-through-a-divorce-w_b_1248520.html.

10 Most Likely People To Cheat With Your Spouse

Who are the 10 most likely people for your spouse to fool around with? Infidelity or adultery is one of the leading causes of divorce. So who are the "usual suspects?"

According to an article by Marilyn Stowe, a divorce lawyer, link below, the most likely people are: your spouse's fitness instructor, a work colleague, a waitress or bartender met on vacation, the handyman/yard guy, a much younger person (midlife crisis), a friend's spouse, an old flame, a trauma partner (someone who has gone through a difficult experience with or similar to one endured by your spouse), a replacement version of you, and a fantasy person (grass is greener scenario). Consider yourself forewarned.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marilyn-stowe/the-top-10-stereotypical-_b_1235222.html

Suze Orman's Divorce Money Tips

Here is the link to Suze Orman's brief video on financial advice for people who are divorced or are going through divorce - see link below.

Among other things, Suze advises to get your name off of all previous joint debt. She also advises to get divorced after ten years of marriage, not before, because at ten years you are "vested" in your spouse's social security.

For more advice from Suze on how to handle your finances before, during and after divorce, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/09/suze-orman-financial-advi_n_1190863.html?ref=divorce#comments.

8 Rights of Children of Divorce

All children have certain rights, and children of divorced parents need special attention to their rights for them to come through their parents' divorce happy and emotionally healthy. Honoring the following rights of children of divorce will help make that happen.

1. The right to freedom from arguments with your ex-spouse. Arguing in front of the children hurts the children. Your children have to right to not see their parents attack each other, verbally or otherwise.

2. The right to not take sides. Don't make your children pass judgment of their other parent, or take sides. Your children need to love both of you as much as your children need to be loved by both of you.

3. The right to freedom from deceit. Don't ask your children to keep secrets from their other parent. This puts them in the middle, and pressures them to deceive or lie to one parent in order to not betray the other parent.

4. The right to remain silent. Do not use your children to deliver messages to the other parent. No one wants to be the messenger. The messenger gets shot. Don't do this to your child.

5. The right to a childhood. Boundaries are important for the children of divorce. Do not pull your child into discussions of financial issues or adult issues, and do not use your child as your confidant. If you do, you are truly using your child. They don't want to hear you cry on their shoulders. They want to be kids. Go cry to your sister or your friend. Leave your child out of it.

6. The right to a good relationship with both parents. Don't pester your child with constant text messages, phone calls, etc when they are with the other parent. When you do this, you are interrupting whatever the child is doing with the other parent, and interfering with the child's relationship with the other parent. You get your time - leave theirs alone. Don't make the child feel as though he is taffy being pulled between the two of you.

7.The right to calm transitions. Pick ups and drop offs should be looked forward to by the children, not dreaded. If you use these custody exchanges as times to rail on your ex about late child support payments or other complaints, you are subjecting your child to exchanges they will dread. If necessary, avoid contact at exchanges, by having the parent pick the child up from school instead of from the other parent's house.

8. The right to Happiness after divorce. Your child deserves a happy life, both during and after your divorce. This is your divorce, not theirs. You do not have the right to ruin their childhood by trampling on their rights. To do so is selfish and self-centered.

Your child can be very happy, well-adjusted and emotionally healthy, during and after your divorce. Follow these simple guidelines, and you will be well on your way to giving your child one of the greatest gifts of all - a happy childhood.

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-a-ross-ma/a-divorced-childs-bill-of_b_1184270.html.

Before You Cohabitate - Read This!

People often decide to forego marriage and live together long-term in order to keep the state from being able to interfere with their lives. If you live in one of the states that still recognizes common law marriage, however, it is possible that you could be considered married under common law. This can have an important impact on your life, in the following ways:

(1) You can still end up in divorce court. You went without the wedding, the bridal showers, the dress and the diamond ring, and can still end up in divorce court? Yes, this can happen, in a common law marriage state.

(2) Your ex-spouse can terminate alimony payments to you. Alimony, also known as maintenance, usually ends upon remarriage. If you are in a common law marriage state, your ex might petition the court to determine that you are married to your live-in partner, and thus, your alimony payments would terminate.

(3) You can be prevented from testifying against your partner in a criminal case. If found to have a common law marriage, the same rules on testifying against a spouse would apply to you.

(4) You might be entitled to wrongful death proceeds or inheritance rights when your partner dies. You could be treated like a regular spouse in this situations, if you are found to have been married by common law.

Most states no longer recognize common law, but if you are in a state that still does, you need to be aware of these possible scenarios.

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/edra-j-pollin/when-does-cohabitation-be_b_1184994.html.

Is Monogamy A Bad Idea?

Are men genetically doomed to cheat? Since most men cheat anyway, should the very concept of monogamy be scrapped?

A new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love & The Reality of Cheating, by Eric Winchester, calls monogamy a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that leaves men angry throughout their lives. He surveyed 120 men, straight and gay, 78% of whom admitted to cheating on their partners. But the funny thing was, these men did not want their partners to cheat on them.

Winchester states that adultery has nothing to do with love, but just means the person wants to have sex with another person, and as such, should not be condemned. He says he is not advocating cheating, but that he is advocating "open and equitable sexual relationships."

He suggests it is not the sexual act of cheating that causes divorce, but being required, by society, to lie about it and cover it up that causes divorce. Is monogamy an outdated notion? Or, for that matter, is marriage? And what about the children who are the product of these various relationships?

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html.

Is Your Job Causing Your Divorce?

Is stress on the job causing stress in your relationship? Or is your spouse's job causing stress in your relationship? If so, take steps now to prevent your job or your spouse's job from causing you to divorce.

Studies have shown that people who work lots of overtime hours, who have frequent job-related travel and people who have non-standard work hours have higher divorce rates. In the current economy, we are all working harder. Employers are having two people do the work that used to be done by five people. The people who remain on the job are working longer hours and working harder, scrambling to keep their bosses happy, in order to keep their jobs. And with current technology, we are reachable 24/7,which means we all take our work home.

These factors lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. Exhaustion leads to unhappiness, to short tempers, to impatience, even to illness. None of these are conducive to happy, healthy marriages.

If you see yourself or your spouse heading down this path, take a moment and talk to each other. Pull together as a team to get through difficult times. It can strengthen your relationship, rather than pull it apart. If necessary, call in a professional - talk to a family therapist or counselor to get strategies on how to save your marriage.

For more information, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marsha-temlock/did-your-boss-cause-your-_b_1156353.html?ref=divorce.

5 Quick Ways To Bounce Back From Your Divorce in 2012

Alright, so 2011 may not have been a banner year. So what? Throw out that calendar and start fresh. Here are 5 quick ways to bounce back from your divorce and have a much better 2012:

(1) Put yourself out there. Try new things, meet new people. You never know what can happen, and it will be great for your outlook on life.

(2) Try one new thing every month. Read a book, take a class, learn how to do something you have always wanted to do, or something completely off the wall.

(3)Get a better handle on your finances. This will help reduce your stress levels.

(4)Take better care of yourself. You will be a better parent and friend if you are well-rested and healthy.

(5)Make your house truly "yours" and not a shrine to the past. It will greatly improve your outlook and help you look forward to a positive, better life in 2012.

For more information, see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ann-blumenthal-jacobs/how-to-make-2012-the-star_b_1171873.html?ref=divorce.

5 Easy Tips to Enjoy Separate Holidays

If you have had a change in your family due to divorce, separation, military service or other reasons, this year you may be spending part or all of the holidays by yourself. This may feel a little odd. When things feel odd, people often fall into negative feelings – sadness, loneliness and disappointment.

You can avoid feeling bad during the holidays by following a few simple tips.

1. It’s all in the attitude. If you are determined to be miserable during the holidays, you will be. Wish granted! But do you really want that?

2. It is whatever you make it. Create the holidays you want. If you want to be happy during the holidays, close your eyes and daydream about how that will feel. Actually feeling it is important if you are going to create it. See it, smell it, feel it. See yourself curled up all cozy, watching you want on the tv, (not having to share the remote or negotiate on watching sports or kid’s programming versus what you want to see). Smell the hot chocolate, taste the Christmas cookies, feel the warmth of a fire in the fireplace, a cat or dog snuggled up next to you. There is no rule that you can’t have these things just because there is no one else in the room.

3. View it as a test-drive – as reconnaissance work for the future. If your children are spending the holidays with your ex, realize that they are going to grow up and move out someday anyway. There would have been plenty of future holidays without them even if your marriage had stayed intact. This year, test drive many of the options that are available to you, and start exploring the varied ways you can make this new chapter of your life even better than the previous.

4. Different is not automatically worse. People resist change, assuming it will be worse than the status quo. This is not true. Be open to the very real possibility that your new-found freedom will be a good thing, that you will now be able to do things you never could before. And if you need another reason to be convinced that the future will be better – you no longer have to spend the holidays with those obnoxious friends or relatives that came along with your ex. You know who I am talking about. There are always one or two whom you won’t miss.

5. Pamper yourself. You deserve it. You have worked hard and gotten through a difficult year. If you can’t afford a manicure or pedicure – no problem. Grab a bottle of nail polish and do your own. Give yourself a facial and a hot oil treatment. All you need is cold cream and vegetable oil. Kick back, watch too much tv, eat too many snacks, stay in your sweatpants and fuzzy socks all day, sleep as late as you want, and recharge those batteries. You deserve it. Happy Holidays!

Holiday Custody 102 - Stick To The Schedule

This edition of Holiday Custody concerns thinking about how your actions make your child feel. By this point in time, you should have the custody schedule for the holidays hammered out in detail. The purpose of this article is to raise awareness of how your children feel when you show up late or blow off time with them during the holidays.

When you show up late to pick up your child for a scheduled visit or custody period, it tells your child that whatever you were doing was more important to you than your child is. Doing this during the holidays makes them feel even worse. When someone you love shows up late or cancels on you at the last minute during the holidays, it hurts you even more than it would at other times of the year.

Sometimes parents have a fight or argument during the holidays, and one parent says something like "Fine, then I just won't see the kids on Christmas. You keep them." Perhaps one parent feels he or she is punishing the other parent, but they are really punishing the child. Think about it. Would you beat up your child in order to punish the other parent? What kind of monster would do that? So don't beat up your child's feelings.

Holiday Custody 101

The holidays are upon us. Your children will only have a limited number of holiday seasons in which to make the memories they will remember for the rest of their lives. What do you want those memories to be?

First of all, the holidays are for the children. There is a certain child-like magic of the holidays that few people manage to hold on when they are grown up.

Second, put yourself in your child's shoes for a moment. If you were to close your eyes and imagine your child's idea of a great Christmas, Hanukkah or other holiday, what would it be? I guarantee they would like their parents to get along for the holidays.

When parents argue with each other and squabble over details of visitation and custody arrangements, they RUIN the holidays for their children. Your children would much rather you just got along with each other rather than lash out at each other thinking you are entitled to because of some piece of paper from court. And calling the police on each other in front of the children traumatizes the children, especially during the holidays.

The bottom line is this: Being a parent does not give you the right to ruin the holidays for your children. Play nicely.

The 4 Worst Reasons To Go To Divorce Court

Many people watch television shows and think every divorce case goes to court and has a knock down, drag out ugly divorce trial. Nothing could be further from the truth. Over 90% of divorce cases go not result in a trial. They settle at some point along the way.

Many of the cases that end up in trial should not have gone to trial. They go to trial for the wrong reasons. What are the four worst reasons to go to divorce court?

One, to prove your spouse is a horrible person. Aren't you already convinced that he or she is? Why waste $20,000 or $50,000 or much more to create a bunch of papers that will just be put into a court file? It won't change the person. It will only change how much money you have when the case is over.

Two, to "win" custody of the children. There are no winners in a nasty custody battle. The children are the ones who suffer the most, having to watch their parents viciously attack each other. Don't put them through this needlessly.

Three, your lawyer tells you a trial is the only option. A divorce trial should be the LAST option, not the first option.

Four, you want "satisfaction" for your hurt feelings and betrayal. Read: vindication. Trust me, it will not make you feel better. It will only make you feel poorer.

The bottom line is this - save yourself and your children a huge amount of grief, emotional pain and debt. Consider a nasty divorce trial to be your last option, not the first or only option. And realize that you are being told this by a divorce lawyer, who has nothing to gain financially by telling you to avoid massive legal fees.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-marcy-jones/why-soontobe-exes-should-_b_1126727.html?ref=divorce

The Top 5 Things Marriage Counselors Wish Divorcing People Knew

I am sharing with you a great article written by Kelly DeVere-Rodgers, a St. Louis relationship counselor and coach:

The Top 5 Things Marriage Counselors Wish
Divorcing People Knew

Realistically, there are many areas of discussion in regards to couples divorcing. Below are five topics that are important for couples to know.

1. The cost and length of divorce litigation is directly proportionate to the emotions of the parties. Do not make an emotionally charged decision to divorce and seek counseling first.

To mention that emotions are at an all time high during a separation and divorce is an understatement! Even if you don’t think there’s hope for the marriage, individual counseling can help you realize what went wrong, how to cope with current emotions for yourself and children (if applicable), and create an action plan to pick up the pieces and move on. Don’t wait for your spouse to participate! This is something you should choose to do for your own emotional, mental, and physical well-being. And remember, you do not need to make a decision today to divorce!

2. The grass seems greener on the other side. This is your wake up call… REALITY!

In most instances when an affair is currently taking place and one partner wants the divorce, the emotions are extremely chaotic and that individual usually wants out of the marriage immediately to pursue this new interest and “euphoric lust” they are feeling for the other person. Give it time! Those “in love” lustful feelings will fade and you will also be able to see the flaws and irritants just as you have with your current spouse. Welcome to reality!!!

Usually, the affair is just what it is and the relationship will end as quickly as it began. Or, you marry and find yourself in a very unhealthy relationship where the divorce rate is around 65%. Then come the heavy feelings of guilt and regret and most start realizing that what they had previously was not as horrible as once believed.

3. A marriage cannot survive infidelity so we must divorce… Or can it?

The majority of couples in which I counsel (90% or higher), unfortunately, seek out counseling when the marriage is in total crisis (i.e. infidelity, separation, one partner has considered divorce and spoken to an attorney or already filed). Relationships where infidelity has taken place and both parties are dedicated to the marriage, actually, have a more loving, abundant, committed relationship than before! Is it hard work on both parties? Extremely grueling! However, most couples agree they are happier choosing the marriage over divorce.

4. Beyond any other consideration, the children come first.
Children need a supportive environment to deal with separation and/or divorce. More often than not, children are placed in the middle of divorces and should never suffer needlessly due to your decision to divorce your spouse.

Once you’ve decided to divorce, try to speak to your children together and show them a united front so that they can see that, although you and your spouse cannot live together any longer, they still have a mother and father who love and care for them and can work together in their best interests. Below is a list of “DO NOT’S” to protect your children from further insurmountable stress:
a. Do not use the children as pawns.
b. Do not enlist your children as couriers or messengers.
c. Do not act out in the presence of the children.
d. Do not bad mouth your spouse to the children or discuss your spousal disputes.
e. Lastly, do not interrogate the children about your spouse.

5. Divorce should be the last option! But, if decided, negotiating is better for everyone.

The outcome of divorce is much better for everyone if a settlement can be reached out of court which requires negotiation that is part skill and part art. If your lawyer is negotiating for you, let your lawyer do so. A professional in family law practice has the experience in these matters that can help you achieve your goals. Just be clear in expressing beforehand what it is that you want and what solutions would be most workable for you.

Kelly C. DeVere-Rodgers, MA, LPC, NCC
Relationship Counselor and Coach
301 Sovereign Court, Suite #211
St. Louis, MO 63011
(314) 267-5594 office
kelly@kellydevere.com
kellydevere@gmail.com
www.kellydevere.com

Will There Be A Twilight Divorce?

The latest speculation on the Twilight series is whether Edward and Bella will get a divorce. It is said that, if the series is to continue, that is the next logical option. Robert Pattinson was heard joking about a vampire divorce at the premiere of "Breaking Dawn: Part 1." Kristen Stewart, however, is reported to be upset about the idea of Edward and Bella going splitsville. For more commentary and a slideshow, check out http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/18/twilight-divorce_n_1102370.html?ref=divorce#s485596.

Keep Your Divorce From Ruining Childhood For Your Kids

People used to assume that children of divorced parents were automatically damaged. Now the research shows this is not true. In fact, if parents handle the divorce in a thoughtful, loving way with focus on the best interests of their children, the children can actually grow up more well-adjusted and happy than children whose parents stayed married but lived in conflict.

When children look back, years later, on the feelings they experienced when their parents were divorcing, they express four common problems. One, the loss of relationship with their fathers; two, ongoing parental conflict; three, loss of control over their own lives; and four, lack of communication with their parents before and during the divorce.

The first three on the list are self-explanatory. Be aware of those issues and try to spare your child from having those experiences. The fourth issue, communication, needs some discussion.

When children are not talked to before the divorce is filed, and are not given an opportunity to ask questions about the divorce, they will develop anxiety and a sense of helplessness. Put yourself in their shoes. Think about how you would feel if, when you were a child, your parents blindsided you with the news one day that they had filed for divorce. You would have a hard time trusting them in the future, and you would be worried about what else they would drop on you without warning in the future. So how do you communicate appropriately with your children about your divorce, without saying the wrong things or too much?

Talk calmly to them before filing. Don't go into blame games or into unnecessary details. The level of detail will depend upon the child's age and emotional maturity. Explain how the divorce will impact their lives. They need to know where they will be living, where they will be going to school and what their schedule will be. Wouldn't you want to know these things? Consider their feelings and opinions before you nail down the details of the divorce, especially the parenting time or child custody schedule. If your parenting schedule would cause your child to have to drop out of an activity or get up at 4:00 am, rethink and rework the schedule. This sounds complicated, but it isn't. Simply treat your children the way you would want to be treated.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joseph-nowinski-phd/helping-children-survive-_5_b_1082850.html?ref=divorce

Stop Marrying the Wrong People

They say even a blind hog can find an acorn now and then. So why can't some people ever find good spouses to spend their lives with? Why is it that so many people who are very good at many other things, are lousy at choosing the people they marry?

In my years as a divorce lawyer, I have noticed that the people who are "hopeless romantics" tend to fall in and out of love (and divorce court). On the other hand, the people whose relationships would never be fodder for a romance novel often get married once and stay married to that same person for the rest of their lives.

So how do you make sure you have a marriage that lasts? Simple. Treat it like buying a house. Have a thorough inspection. This means going for marriage counseling and thoroughly exploring your compatibility and the reasons both of you want to get married. If the proposed relationship passes this inspection, then go for it - and then you can enjoy the romance part without worries.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ed-housewright/after-two-divorces-ill-ne_b_1033704.html?ref=divorce

Tips for Happy, Fun Holidays After Divorce

The holidays are just around the corner. You have a choice to make. Will you have the holiday from hell, or will you have a wonderful time? To a great extent, it is your choice. After divorce, many things change, including how the holidays are celebrated. People often assume this will cause sadness, but look at it another way. If you always hated going to your in-laws for the holidays, guess what? You don't have to go anymore. Yippee. Now that you are beginning to see the upside to post-divorce holidays, how do you avoid the downside?

One of the most important tips is to plan well in advance. If you haven't already decided where the children are going for the holidays, pick up the phone and do it now. The later you wait, the more likelihood of problems and trampled feelings. Procrastinating will not make the decision go away - it will just make things worse. The better job you do of planning and avoiding problems, the happier the holidays will be for your children.

Another tip is to make new traditions. You may find the kids weren't too crazy about the old ways of doing things, and they might enjoy shaking things up a bit, especially if they get input on the new traditions, such as pizza for Thanksgiving. No, lightning did not strike me when I wrote that. Yes, my son and I have done pizza for Thanksgiving and loved it. We found out we never liked traditional Thanksgiving food, so why eat it? It's a holiday. Eat what you like.

Another tip is to throw out the unrealistic concept of "perfect holidays." A truly perfect holiday is being together, having fun, hanging out, having a food fight with spray cans of whipped cream. A perfect holiday is not measured by having a perfectly decorated house and a rigid schedule of fancy events.

It is important to realize that the first holidays after divorce may be emotional - but don't be surprised if one of the emotions is relief, not sadness. Give yourself permission to be human, and pamper yourself a little during those first holidays. You have been through alot - you deserve it.

If you are alternating holidays with your ex, you will have some holidays without the children. Don't despair. This opens up options that were not possible before. Take some "me" time. Go visit friends in a warm part of the country. Get caught up on sleep. Enjoy being able to go where you want, when you want, with whom you want, and to do what you want. Freedom can be a beautiful thing, especially when you don't automatically assume it will be sad and lonely. It can be a blast.

For more tips on having great holidays after divorce, read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/09/holiday-divorce-advice_n_1082486.html.

Collaborative Divorce - Only Intelligent, Civilized People Need Apply

Ok, so the marriage is over. You've had a good cry and agonized over what could have been done differently. Now it is time to pick yourself up and figure out how you will get through the next phase - the divorce. Here are your options: Act like idiots, run up massive legal fees and hate each other for the rest of your lives, OR act like civilized, intelligent grown-ups. I have seen people with very complex issues who were able to get divorced inexpensively and amicably, and I have seen other people who turn their lives into a Jerry Springer show over trivial nonsense. So how do you avoid the Jerry Springer scenario? It takes both of you being civilized and intelligent, and it takes cooperation. It takes hiring the right kind of divorce lawyer - one who will not escalate the conflict. The lawyers who escalate conflict don't care about the permanent damage a nasty divorce can do to your entire family. They just care about getting rich off of your misery. On the other hand, lawyers who do collaborative law can help you navigate the treacherous waters of divorce more amicably, without the grief and damage to your family, and without jacking up the legal fees through confrontation. Everyone sits down together and creates the best solution for the entire family, instead of viciously attacking each other in court. Which would you choose?
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lynn-j-maier-esq/saving-your-sanity-with-c_b_1077335.html?ref=divorce

Four Of The Worst Reasons To Get Married

Anyone who has gone through divorce has tried to figure out why they married the person. If you don't learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them, and noone wants to go through divorce repeatedly. To make your introspection easier, here are four of the worst reasons to get married: One reason is convenience. Although you are not unabashedly in love, the two of you get along, and some of your friends have certainly done worse. If you have been hurt before, you might not trust love, or you might want to protect your heart, so marrying someone who is a comfortable friend may seem safe. A second reason is if you have had your heart broken before, you might feel you will never again love anyone that much, so as long as the person is nice and compatible, it does not matter much whom you marry. A third reason is you think the other person will change after you marry. Sure, they may be immature, irresponsible, messy, lazy - but once you marry, everything will be better, right? That, my friend, only works in fairy tales. And the fourth reason is low self-esteem or insecurity. If you do not have a strong, healthy self-image, you are at risk for settling for someone who is not a good marriage partner for you, just because you don't know if someone better will come along. If any of these sound familiar, work with a good counselor, therapist or life coach to help ensure you don't make the same mistake again.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joelle-caputa/women-married-and-divorce_b_1077195.html