Vacations After Divorce

It's time to be thinking about when and where you will go for vacation this year.  If you are divorced with children, that usually means you will need to consult your child custody plan and your former spouse as part of your summer planning.  Sooner is better than later.  Don't make plans and pay deposits until you are certain.  Early communication and good planning make prevent your vacations from being ruined after divorce.

Getting Remarried? Not So Fast!

If you have been divorced, odds are you will get married again.  But what are the odds of your getting divorced again?  The divorce statistics for subsequent marriages are pretty dismal, actually.  The odds of a first marriage ending in divorce are about 40 to 50 percent.  Second marriage ending in divorce - over 60 percent.  Third marriage -  over 70 percent.  Think you can avoid much of the problem by getting a prenup?  Think again.  The odds of divorce for couples with a prenup are over 80 percent.
Does this mean you are doomed to a life of being alone or living together but never tying the knot?  Not necessarily.  Although they are cautionary, these are merely statistics, and mean next to nothing when applied to a particular case.  No one gets 70 percent divorced.  You will either get 100 percent divorced or not at all.  So how do you beat the odds?
Most importantly, do not rush into marriage soon after divorce.  You need time to get over the failed relationship and the divorce.  You cannot do this by flipping a switch any more than you can make a broken bone heal instantly just by willing it to do so.  Give yourself time to heal, you deserve it.  Also, carefully evaluate what went wrong in your previous marriage(s) and figure out how to not repeat history.  Candidly assess then fix what you need to about yourself.  Get counseling if appropriate.  And finally, don't rush in.

Don't Shut Your Child Out After Divorce

Going through divorce can be a traumatic, stressful experience.  It is human nature to build some walls to protect yourself so you don't get hurt again.  When you do, be careful your walls don't put your child at a distance.  Your child needs you now more than ever.
 

Is It Divorce Time Or Just January Blues?

January and September usually see a huge upspike in the number of people calling lawyers to get divorced.  Why is that?  People don't like to file for divorce during the holidays or during the summer.  They want to have that one last holiday season or summer together, for themselves or for the kids.
Divorce lawyers usually refer to January and September as "high season," because of the large numbers of new cases.  This is a cautionary tale - make sure, if you are thinking of hiring a lawyer and getting your divorce started, that you really want a divorce and are not just suffering the "January blues."

New Year's Resolutions

So how are those New Year's resolutions going?  Given up yet?  Perhaps you need different resolutions.  Try these on for size: 

• One day every week, refuse to complain, criticize or make a single negative comment. 
• Make eye contact and smile at someone every day.
• Keep a gratitude journal, every day writing down ten things for which you are grateful.

These three simple steps can turn your life around.  If your marriage is struggling, you might just be able to avoid a divorce.  If you are already divorced, making these positive changes could help you have better relationships in the future.  Either way, if you make these attitude changes part of your life, you will be a more optimistic, happy person.  And it doesn't cost a cent!

Stay Married Or Get A Divorce?

Happy New Year!  2012 is behind us, and the world did not end.   Did you really think it would?  The holidays are over, and now we are back at work, trying to get caught up on the things that did not get done while everyone was busy with the holiday rush.
Many people take time in January to re-evaluate their lives.  Some decide to lose weight.  Some decide to get a better job.  Others decide to get married or to get a divorce.  If you are having a difficult time making a decision as to whether you should stay in your marriage, talk with a counselor or trusted friend.  Make a list of the pros and cons of staying in the relationship and of ending the relationship.  There are good books available for helping you sort out these questions.  Just remember - only you can make that decision.

Divorce and the Holidays

Is this your first holiday season after divorce?  Are you going through a divorce right now?  Does life look bleak and your future uncertain?  Focus on your health and well-being.  Resist the temptation to stay out late and drink too much alcohol, but don't be a hermit.  You need to get out some and socialize to feel a part of a community.  Take care of yourself.  Treat your self to a massage or a manicure, or if funds are tight, call a friend and give each other manis and pedis while listening to holiday music.  You will get through this, and you will be happy again.

Your Child Can Be Happy After Your Divorce

Many parents worry and stress about the impact their getting a divorce will have on their children.  From what I have observed over the 25+years that I have been a lawyer, I can tell you that the children usually bounce back quicker and better than the adults.  Often the kids are happier after the divorce than they were when living with two parents who were fighting or who simply did not want to be together.  The children are often relieved that the parents finally did what the kids wished they had done years before.
  There are several things you can do to help your child be happy after your divorce.  Do not fight with your spouse in front of the children.  No child should have to live in a war zone.  Do not bad mouth your spouse.  Get the child into counseling.  Do not discuss child support or other financial issues in front of your child.  Do not be so busy chasing after a new relationship that your child feels left behind.   Take the time to enjoy your child for the short period of time you will have before your child grows up and moves out.  This time will pass quickly and you cannot get it back.  Follow these tips and your child will be happier after your divorce.

Holiday Gifts For Children After Divorce

Believe it or not, the holidays can actually go smoothly and be a happy, fun time for your child after divorce.  Here is one tip:  Every year, you and your ex compile a list of what your child would like to receive for Christmas or Hannukah.  Discuss the list with each other and decide who will purchase which items for your child.  It can be a good thing to choose one big gift that will be from both of you, and split the cost.  It can mean a great deal to a child when his or her parents love the child enough to work together on a gift for the child.  Remember to put your child first.

School Issues and Divorce

This is the time of year when people tend to be in a hurry, thinking about and preparing for the holidays.  This is also the time of year when children's grades fall.  If you are going through divorce or are already divorced, your child may be attending events in more households this year than in the past.Your child may be distracted by the excitement and chaos of the holidays, and be giving less attention to the schoolwork.  Help your child remember to get homework completed and turned in, and to prepare for upcoming exams.

Holidays And Custody - How To Make It Better

Thanksgiving is over.  Good, bad or somewhere in the middle - it is behind us.  Take time today to reflect on what worked well for your children and what did not work well.  Talk with your ex about how to make the holidays better for your children.  Raising children after divorce is a constantly evolving process.  Make it better.  Your kids will thank you.

Thanksgiving After Divorce

A great attitude can make the hectic holidays much better, just as a lousy attitude can make you and everyone around you miserable.  Approaching the holidays with a positive attitude can make the holidays better for your child as well.  After divorce, your child might be attending more than one Thanksgiving celebration.  If that is the case, imagine how you would feel in his shoes, and try to make it easier, not harder on him.  Don't pressure her to eat every single dish on the table if she has another event to attend, where people will expect her to eat.  Understand if he gets a little crabby or impatient.  Would you really want to have to deal with that many relatives in one day?  And your child might be feeling somewhat awkward, especially if the celebrations include a new person in your life or your ex's life.  Be patient and kind.  Your child deserves that.

Cold Weather and Custody Issues

Cold weather has arrived.  Have you worked out the winter logistics to make things good for your child?  It is time to think about winter coats, gloves, hats, mufflers, boots and other gear.  They can be expensive, and are usually outgrown every year.  Who will buy them?  Who will replace them when they get lost?  How will these things get from one house to another when you have custody exchanges?  Will you and your ex have a set at each house?  And what will you do when your child needs to wear the set from your house to your ex's house?  Five minutes of conversation now with your ex can help prevent a miserably cold child as well as arguments between you and your ex down the road.  Know one thing - children lose things - expect that and be prepared to roll with it.  Don't yell at them for being what they are - children.

Report Cards After Divorce

It's that time of year again - report cards!  It would be wise to talk with your ex ahead of time to coordinate on rewards for your child's grades.  After divorce, people sometimes overlook discussions like this, but it is important to your child -- no matter how much he or she may pretend otherwise.  At least have the discussion and try to reach agreement on the rewards to be given your child for each A and B on the report card.  A word of advice: focusing on the positive - giving generous rewards for good grades - is much more effective than punishing for bad grades.
 

Halloween and Special Needs

Do you have a child on the autism spectrum, with sensory issues or other special needs?  Halloween can be unpleasant and uncomfortable for these children, dealing with crowds, scratchy costumes, loud noises, flashing lights and lack of predictability.  BUT -- there are ways to modify your festivities so your child can actually participate and have fun.  See this article from the Autism Society for great advice:
http://support.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=halloween_tips