How To Protect Your Finances When Leaving Abusive Marriage

First of all - if you are in an abusive relationship - get professional help to get out. Get yourself and your children safe. Those things are more important than the money. Money can be replaced. But, when you have addressed the safety issues, you must also be practical and take care of the financial side. There are several things you can do to protect your finances when leaving an abusive relationship. Get a P.O. box and a new email address. Change all your passwords and PIN codes. Close or take your name off of joint accounts, if possible. Make a copy of all important papers and keep them somewhere safe outside of the home. And again, keep yourself and your children safe.

Bet You Didn't Know This About Your Divorce Lawyer

Shh! Don't tell anyone, but your divorce lawyer is secretly a hopeless romantic. Unlike the image often portrayed of divorce lawyers on television and in the movies, many divorce lawyers are not cynical, bitter, dried-up prunes who revel in breaking up families. We cry at weddings, and truly hope the couple will be happy. We get excited when our friends and relatives celebrate anniversaries. We turn to mush when a new life is brought into the world. So how can we stand being divorce lawyers? Because, despite the high stress levels, the false perceptions of us and some clients being unappreciative, we just can't stand to see people being miserable. When we see people who are being abused, children who are being neglected or raised in a war zone of their parents fighting, we want to help them get to a better place where they can be happy again. And that requires belief in "Happily Ever After."

Don't Ever Say This When Your Friend Is Divorcing

Your friend pulls you aside and tells you he or she is getting a divorce. What do you say? It is one of those awkward moments, for which it is helpful to have prepared responses. Just as it helps to have a few prepared responses when you know you are going to see a difficult relative at a family get-together, your friends will divorce, so you should think this through ahead of time. When your friends are going through divorce, they do not want you to be judgmental, to make assumptions, to cast blame, to say you never liked the other person, or to minimize what they are experiencing. Knowing what not to say still does not put the right words in your mouth. You may want to let them know you care, or you may just want to get through an uncomfortable social moment unscathed. So, what do you say when your friend is getting a divorce? You acknowledge the difficulty they are experiencing. You withhold judgment, blame and name-calling. You realize how important this event is in their life, without escalating the emotional level. A true friend does not increase the drama. You do not preach or act superior. You remain open-minded and show compassion. Despite what you may think, you could be in their shoes tomorrow.

How To Hire A Good Divorce Lawyer

One of the most important decisions you will make in your divorce is your choice of divorce lawyer. While many divorce lawyers are good people who work hard in a thankless, high-stress career, just trying to support their families - there are lawyers out there who will escalate problems in your case in order to jack up their legal fees. You want a lawyer who is going to be straight with you and not just tell you what you want to hear, then hit you with an unexpectedly massive legal fees bill. You need to ask your divorce lawyer the best and worse case scenarios, what the local judges do in cases like yours, and a range of what the fees might be for your case.

How Your Divorce Affects Your Child's Relationships

We have known for a long time that the children of divorced parents have a higher rate of divorce in their relationships. A 16 year study found there are other ways in which your divorce can affect your child's future intimate relationships. Surprisingly, parental divorce does not seem to have any impact on a son's rate of divorce. Daughters, however, do tend to have a higher rate of divorce - but - you can actually turn this around to help your child. The key factor was the mother-daughter relationship during the divorce. When the mother and daughter maintain a warm, close, nurturing relationship, the daughters emerge from the divorce with higher self-esteem and less likelihood for problems in their own relationships. As I always say, everything in life is an opportunity for the negative or the positive. You choose which one. To learn much more on how to help your children have the best possible chance for happy, healthy relationships after your divorce, read here.

5 Best Ways To Prevent Divorce

What are the Top Five Ways To Prevent Divorce? Some are obvious - others are a little surprising. One - both spouses need to be thrifty. When one or both spouses are careless in spending, the divorce rates shoot up. Two - when both spouses have a job, their divorce rates plummet. And their frequency of sex goes up when they both have jobs. Speaking of sex - the third way to prevent divorce is to have sex with your spouse (and only with your spouse). You would be surprised how many married couples go for months and even years without having sex. Fourth, spend time apart. I know, it seems to contradict #3, but it really doesn't. Achieve a good balance of time together and time apart. If you spend too much time together, you will begin to bore each other. And five, frequently do small, positive things for your spouse. For more information, ideas and suggestions, see this article.

Are Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorcing?

Rumors are flying that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are splitting, after just 3 months of marriage. The story was splashed on the front page of two tabloids recently. Is it true? Or is it just yet another publicity stunt? This article says the couple denies having any problems. One has to wonder how often celebrity couples split up from the stress of people wondering if they are splitting up.

On The Money - Best Times To Get A Divorce

We all know that the best time to get a divorce is after the relationship is over and before you hate each other. But financially speaking - what is the best time to get a divorce? If you want to have the smoothest transition to single life and not be financially destitute, you need to pay attention to these important financial factors. The Five Best Times to get a divorce are: When real estate is selling well, when your credit cards are paid off, when the kids are going off to college, when you have a great credit score, and before you inherit a windfall. For more information, see this article.

How Many Divorcing Couples Want To Save The Marriage?

You would think that by the time people get to the point of filing for divorce they are done with the marriage, no questions asked. Apparently, that is not true, for a surprising number of couples. Many couples responded in a survey that they would be willing to participate in reconciliation services if they were offered through the court. Perhaps the phrase - "It's not over until it's over" should have an addendum - "... and sometimes, not even then." For more information, read here.

Are There Really Double Standards On Cheating For Husbands And Wives?

Throughout history, it is been socially acceptable (in varying degrees) for a husband to have a mistress, but almost never for a wife to have the equivalent - a "mister"? Some say the double standard applies not only to cheating but also to politics, law, society, culture and even education. The author of an interesting article on this topic thinks these double standards are about power and control - about empowering men and dis-empowering women. She suggests that, as many of the laws on inheritance, contracts and other property have been changed, that the double standard is also slowly changing.

Divorced Moms Tell All About Dating

A new study followed 300 divorced moms with elementary-school-age children. They wanted to find out, over a two year time period, what the mothers' priorities were on new relationships and their children. These priorities changed somewhat from immediately after the divorce to a couple years down the road. At one point, 91% of women said they and their children were a package deal. To see how you fit in with the women in the study, read this article.

Top Causes for Divorce - Not What You Think

You would assume that divorce is caused mainly by one spouse treating the other spouse badly - physical abuse, adultery, disrespect, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and other things like addiction. Think again. The economy is a top cause for today's divorces. Three of the top five causes for divorce today are job loss, housing problems and credit card debt. How do you deal with divorce in today's economic situation? You need to read this great article.

School Issues and Child Custody

School can be tough enough on its own. Being a kid of divorced or divorcing parents can also be tough. Combine the two, and you have a lot to put on a child's shoulders. Do your custody and visitation arrangements make things better or worse for your children? Are you now stressing out about your kids? Want to learn how to make it better? Read this article for great suggestions on how to make life and school much more pleasant for you and your children.

Is Tea Party Congressman Delinquent $100,000+ in Child Support?

Fur is flying over this one. The Tea Party regularly busts the chops of President Obama and others about fiscal responsibility. So when one of their own is accused of being more than $100,000 behind in child support, they are getting a big fat "back atcha!" Congressman Walsh defends himself with the claim that he had a verbal agreement with his wife about not paying child support for a while when her income went up and his went down, and he says he did eventually pay the support in full. She says the agreement was supposed to be for a short time, not for years, and that the payments he made were for other things, not child support. Great story with more information here.

FlipSide of Gay Marriage - Gay Divorce?

What does a same-sex couple do if they got married in a state which allows same sex marriage, then they moved to another state that does not recognize same sex marriage - and they want to get a divorce? It sounds simple - file for divorce. But if you live in a state that does not recognize same sex marriage, you cannot get a divorce there. In order for a court to grant a divorce, they have to acknowledge there was a valid marriage. And you can't just file for divorce in the state where you got married, because they won't have jurisdiction over a case when none of the parties live in that state. California has now proposed legislation to address this problem, but there are concerns that the bill is flawed. Read more here.

Think You Know How Your Kids Feel About Your Divorce? Think Again.

Do you think you know how your kids feel about your divorce? Not so fast. Read here for helpful information on how kids really feel about their parents' divorces - about the conflict, the rules, the two households, and about parents putting the kids in the middle. It's a real eye-opener.

Is Your Parenting Plan Obsolete?

Was your parenting plan entered into more than a couple years ago? Are you feeling stressed trying to follow it? Does it feel awkward, cumbersome and artificial? Perhaps you and your ex need to sit down, dust off the parenting plan/visitation agreement and take another look at it. What worked when your kids were preschoolers is probably not a good fit when they are in middle school - perhaps not even in elementary school. Since the whole point of a parenting plan is to have an arrangement that works in the best interests of the children, why not tailor it as they need it tailored? You may find that if you and your ex can agree on small nips and tucks to the parenting plan, you can work together and reach agreement on bigger issues down the road. Get more info here.

7 Tips For a Civilized and Child-Centered Divorce

As a practicing divorce lawyer, I frequently see parents so obsessed with fighting during their divorce that they do not notice how much they are hurting their children. Each parent will have an excuse - really, a justification - for their behavior, and it is always the other spouse's fault of course, never theirs. Some people who are ordinarily perfectly normal act like spoiled brats during their divorces. When this happens, it is the children who really suffer. Read here for 7 tips on having a civilized and child-centered divorce. These include: use of therapy, talking to your children and reassuring them of your love, modeling the behavior you want to see in them,remembering that the money you don't spend on litigation costs can go into their college accounts, and much more. You CAN do this, and your children deserve it.

You Are Never Really Divorced If You Have Children

Ok, you may be technically and legally divorced, but if you are "co-parenting" children with your ex, you are still having to make your way through the minefield of coordinating kid schedules with parent schedules. You still have to agonize over whether you are making the right decisions that can impact your child's future. You still have to discuss "all things child related" with your ex and try to reach a good result by agreement (unless your ex has fallen off the face of the earth or is an uninvolved louse). So, when it comes down to it, about the only difference between you and married parents raising kids is that they might still be covered under their [ex]spouse's health insurance. For a great discussion of this subject, read more here.

Beware Of Wife Shoppers When You Start Dating After Divorce

It seems there is a certain type of man out there - usually over age 40, successful in his career, and now wanting to get married and BAM! start popping out children. Since divorce rates are already high, do you think it is a good idea to get involved with someone who is going to rush you into getting married quickly and turning your body into a baby carriage immediately? So how do you know if the guy you are dating is one of these guys? Does he try to rush you toward commitment? Does he ask you about your plans to have children? Does he interrogate you about your financial condition and the health of your family members? Does he do any of these things before the appetizers arrive on the first date? Hmmm. If you think your guy might be one of these wife shoppers, read more here.

Divorce Rates by State - How Does Your State Rank?

Divorce rates tend to vary by the part of the country in which you live. There tend to be higher divorce rates in the South, but then, there are higher marriage rates in the South. More people getting married, more people getting divorced. The Northeast tends to have lower marriage rates and lower divorce rates. Again, simple math. Alaska and Maine, however, have high divorce rates, so there are exceptions to the general rule. How does your state rank? Find out here.

It's A Dogfight - Over The Dog, In A Divorce

You think you have heard it all? Well, sit down. A divorcing husband and wife are fighting each other over custody of their dog. It seems the wife moved out and left one of their two dogs behind. When the other dog died, the wife filed papers in court to get this dog from the husband. Want to read the juicy parts? Here they are.

Singer Arrested on Stage for $420,000 Unpaid Child Support

Stevie B., the singer best known for his #1 Billboard hit "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" from 1990, was recently pulled off the stage during a performance and arrested. He is accused of not paying his child support - in the amount of $420,000! How do you get away with it that long? I would probably get arrested if I littered. $420,000??? For more information, see this article.

Top 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble

Are you worried that you and your dearly beloved are headed to divorce court? If you are seeing any of the following things, don't ignore it. 1) Facebook messaging with an old lover (sneaking around); 2) Weight gain over 20% (giving up); 3) Sexy new underwear (duh); 4) Slacking on chores (don't care any more); 5) Writing down all costs (getting their ducks in a row). For more information on the Top 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble, read this article.

Should You Play Banker For Your Divorcing Child?

It is such a difficult situation. Your child is going through divorce. There may be young children involved. You want to help, to make it better. You are, after all their parent. So you offer moral support - then babysitting, running errands, cooking some meals, carpooling. You are okay with that, after all, your child has a lot on his or her plate right now. But then they ask you for money. Should you give or lend them money? If so, more than once? Should you stipulate how the money is to be used? What will other family members think if you do or do not give or lend the money? For an excellent discussion of these and other questions, read this article.

Top 10 Signs Your Date is a Married Man

So you are dating a great guy who swears he is single. But after a while, you start to have doubts. Are you being paranoid or oblivious? That depends. Does he pay for everything in cash? Does he only go out with you right after work? Does his job involve a lot of travel? Has he ever had you over to his house? Does he refuse to answer certain phone calls in front of you? Actually, that could be that he is married, or that he is dodging bill collectors. For more of the Top 10 Signs Your Date is a Married Man, see this article.

Josh Powell, Husband of Missing Utah Mom Susan Powell, Loses Custody of Boys

Be careful who you live with - it could cost you custody of your kids. That is the lesson Josh Powell learned recently, when the court took custody of his two young boys away from him and gave it to his in-laws. Josh Powell is the husband of Susan Powell, the Utah woman who has been missing. The day she disappeared, Josh claims to have taken the boys, then ages 2 and 4 years, on a camping trip (in freezing temperatures). Josh's refusal to cooperate with the police has been given as one reason for the court determining the boys are not safe in the home with him. The other reason is that they were living with Josh's father, Steve Powell, who was been charged with voyeurism (for secretly videotaping two young neighbor girls in their own bathrooms - eww!) and for possession of child pornography. More information in this article.

Do You Want Step-Parenting to Suck Less?

Many of us have been there - step-parent to resentful children. Often, you will be treated as the reason their parents divorced, even if the child knows it is not true. This can happen when the child knows you did not meet their parents until years after they divorced, or that the other parent is the one who saw other people during the marriage. Is there any hope? Or will you both walk on eggshells around each other and hope the child will go to college far away? These step-relationship problems often are a factor in the second marriage ending in divorce - or not happening at all. Why would you walk to walk down the aisle with someone whose child hates you? On the other hand, why should the child welcome you with open arms? She didn't have a voice when her parents divorced. No one has asked her how she feels about you becoming a part of her life. Since more than half of second marriages end in divorce anyway, her best bet is to be a total pain and hope you two will either not get married, or will get divorced. Clearly, no one is happy in this situation. This article gives practical insight and advice on how to understand each other better and actually create a good, respectful, caring step-parenting relationship.

Yes, Sex Life Can Predict Divorce, But With A Twist

You would think the frequency of sex and intimacy would be an important factor, but this study shows, surprisingly, it is not. Satisfaction with sex and intimacy was a much better predictor of whether the couple would divorce than frequency. For men, sexual satisfaction decreased the likelihood of divorce by about 83%, and was the single most important factor in predicting divorce. For women, satisfaction was important, but no more so than satisfaction with the overage quality of the marriage. The funny thing is, couples don't have to be on the same page with this. In other words, a couple can wildly disagree on their level of satisfaction with the sex and intimacy in the marriage, and that disagreement does not make them any more likely to divorce than a couple who agree on the levels of satisfaction.