Getting Remarried? Not So Fast!

If you have been divorced, odds are you will get married again.  But what are the odds of your getting divorced again?  The divorce statistics for subsequent marriages are pretty dismal, actually.  The odds of a first marriage ending in divorce are about 40 to 50 percent.  Second marriage ending in divorce - over 60 percent.  Third marriage -  over 70 percent.  Think you can avoid much of the problem by getting a prenup?  Think again.  The odds of divorce for couples with a prenup are over 80 percent.
Does this mean you are doomed to a life of being alone or living together but never tying the knot?  Not necessarily.  Although they are cautionary, these are merely statistics, and mean next to nothing when applied to a particular case.  No one gets 70 percent divorced.  You will either get 100 percent divorced or not at all.  So how do you beat the odds?
Most importantly, do not rush into marriage soon after divorce.  You need time to get over the failed relationship and the divorce.  You cannot do this by flipping a switch any more than you can make a broken bone heal instantly just by willing it to do so.  Give yourself time to heal, you deserve it.  Also, carefully evaluate what went wrong in your previous marriage(s) and figure out how to not repeat history.  Candidly assess then fix what you need to about yourself.  Get counseling if appropriate.  And finally, don't rush in.

Holiday Gifts For Children After Divorce

Believe it or not, the holidays can actually go smoothly and be a happy, fun time for your child after divorce.  Here is one tip:  Every year, you and your ex compile a list of what your child would like to receive for Christmas or Hannukah.  Discuss the list with each other and decide who will purchase which items for your child.  It can be a good thing to choose one big gift that will be from both of you, and split the cost.  It can mean a great deal to a child when his or her parents love the child enough to work together on a gift for the child.  Remember to put your child first.

Child Custody and School

When crafting your child custody schedule, keep in mind how the different transportation arrangements from the two different households will impact your child's school day.  Will he have to ride the bus instead of being picked up?  Will she have to discontinue participation in after school activities?  Will he have to get up much earlier in order to get to school from one parent's house?

What You Can Learn From Fifty Shades of Grey For Life After Divorce

According to Laura Campbell, the author of the article "Fifty Shades of Your New Life After Divorce, there are useful lessons that can be learned from the trendy book, actually trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey that be helpful in your new relationships after divorce. No, she is not referring to the obvious erotic content of the books.

Divorce can leave you overly protective and reactive. This is not conducive to happy, healthy relationships. If you are afraid to let people get close to you, or if you quickly react to things without thinking them through, you can squelch future relationships that could have been good.

We all have baggage, whether we have gone through divorce or not. If, as in Fifty Shades, people question and challenge each other and their baggage with "humor, desire and passion," perhaps good relationships can emerge where it might not have been expected.

Another lesson from Fifty Shades is that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes it is a good idea to look past how things might seem, and try to understand the reasons behind why people do the things they do.

In summary, relationships might be improved if people improve their communication with their partner with curiosity and compassion, not judging each other.

To read the entire article, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-campbell/fifty-shades-of-your-new-_b_1528666.html?ref=divorce."

Collaborative Divorce - Only Intelligent, Civilized People Need Apply

Ok, so the marriage is over. You've had a good cry and agonized over what could have been done differently. Now it is time to pick yourself up and figure out how you will get through the next phase - the divorce. Here are your options: Act like idiots, run up massive legal fees and hate each other for the rest of your lives, OR act like civilized, intelligent grown-ups. I have seen people with very complex issues who were able to get divorced inexpensively and amicably, and I have seen other people who turn their lives into a Jerry Springer show over trivial nonsense. So how do you avoid the Jerry Springer scenario? It takes both of you being civilized and intelligent, and it takes cooperation. It takes hiring the right kind of divorce lawyer - one who will not escalate the conflict. The lawyers who escalate conflict don't care about the permanent damage a nasty divorce can do to your entire family. They just care about getting rich off of your misery. On the other hand, lawyers who do collaborative law can help you navigate the treacherous waters of divorce more amicably, without the grief and damage to your family, and without jacking up the legal fees through confrontation. Everyone sits down together and creates the best solution for the entire family, instead of viciously attacking each other in court. Which would you choose?
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lynn-j-maier-esq/saving-your-sanity-with-c_b_1077335.html?ref=divorce

6 Dirty Divorce Tricks

If one spouse is focused on revenge or on maintaining their lifestyle as long as they can, they often resort to less than honorable tactics. One trick is to "conflict out" all the top divorce lawyers in town so they can't represent the other spouse. This is done by have a consultation with these lawyers, so they have learned confidential information, and thus cannot represent the other spouse. A second tactic is to fire the divorce lawyer right before trial. This can cause months of delays, during which a person might still be able to enjoy the lifestyle they will not have after the divorce is done. A third tactic is to transfer assets offshore. Although the judge might order these assets to be split between the spouses, enforcing an American court order in a tiny island in the Caribbean is not easily done. A fourth tactic is to have multiple loans on property, so that it has little or no equity. You would think you would need both spouses to sign the documents for these secondary loans, but I have seen otherwise. A fifth trick is to run up massive debt that your spouse does not know about, that reduces the net worth. These first five dirty divorce tricks are discussed in the articled cited below. I am adding a sixth tactic I have seen used, and have been able to warn clients about before they got burned by it. It is the tactic of seduction. If one spouse does not want the divorce, or they want to delay, or they are jealous that the other spouse has found someone new, they may try this tactic. Here's how it works. The spouse wants to get together with you to try to settle the remaining issues of the divorce. You meet at a bar or restaurant. You have a few drinks. The next thing you know, the two of you have ended up in bed together. This often happens right before a court date. Your spouse then walks in to court and tells the judge the two of you just slept together. The judge dismisses the case on grounds of it not being "irretrievably broken" and you have to refile the divorce and start over. Your spouse laughs all the way out of the court room. You are angry, betrayed and mortified. I've always believed that a word to the wise is sufficient, and that a fool is going to be a fool no matter how many times warned. Now that you are aware of these dirty tricks, you can try to stay one step ahead to prevent them from being used on you.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/georgialee-lang/5-of-the-dirtiest-divorce_b_1065735.html

Is Divorce Contagious?

Have you ever noticed that when someone gets a divorce, one of their friends often gets a divorce soon thereafter? Or that divorce seems to run through families - that once the first person gets a divorce, then there is a string of divorces? Is this factual, or is it your imagination? According to a recent study on the subject, it is true. In the study, a person with a friend who has divorced is 147% more likely to get a divorce, and a person with a divorced sibling is 22% more likely to get a divorce. Apparently, noone wants to be the first or only one in their social group to get a divorce. There is still a certain stigma about being divorced. So how do you avoid "catching the divorce bug"? Be aware that when someone close to you gets divorced, it may change the way you think about divorce. If you are having problems in your marriage, work harder on them before throwing in the towel just because your friend did. Source: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/HealthyLiving/divorce-contagious/story?id=11198347#.TrLAXHKUyIw

Top 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble

Are you worried that you and your dearly beloved are headed to divorce court? If you are seeing any of the following things, don't ignore it. 1) Facebook messaging with an old lover (sneaking around); 2) Weight gain over 20% (giving up); 3) Sexy new underwear (duh); 4) Slacking on chores (don't care any more); 5) Writing down all costs (getting their ducks in a row). For more information on the Top 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble, read this article.

Man Charged With Torching His House Rather Than Give to His Wife in Divorce

Yes, you did read that correctly. A man in Pennsylvania has been charged with arson, insurance fraud and theft by deception for allegedly setting fire to the marital home, which was, under the divorce settlement, to have been sold and the proceeds paid to his ex-wife. The article describes that gas-soaked rags were found in the garage, the walls of which were also soaked with gasoline. He apparently filed an insurance claim on the fire loss. Talk about a series of bad decisions that he will have the rest of his life to regret.