Holiday Gifts For Children After Divorce

Believe it or not, the holidays can actually go smoothly and be a happy, fun time for your child after divorce.  Here is one tip:  Every year, you and your ex compile a list of what your child would like to receive for Christmas or Hannukah.  Discuss the list with each other and decide who will purchase which items for your child.  It can be a good thing to choose one big gift that will be from both of you, and split the cost.  It can mean a great deal to a child when his or her parents love the child enough to work together on a gift for the child.  Remember to put your child first.

Holidays and Custody

It is mid-October.  Fall is in the air.  The leaves are changing.  You want to sip a cup of tea (or a glass of wine) on the deck and savor the moment.  NOT SO FAST!  Have you nailed down your holiday custody and visitation schedule in writing?  A big mistake many people make after divorce is not addressing the holiday schedule issue until right before the holidays.  Then it is often too late to avoid problems, as both parents may have made plans.  Take care of the holiday scheduling now, then enjoy that glass of wine.

5 Easy Tips to Enjoy Separate Holidays

If you have had a change in your family due to divorce, separation, military service or other reasons, this year you may be spending part or all of the holidays by yourself. This may feel a little odd. When things feel odd, people often fall into negative feelings – sadness, loneliness and disappointment.

You can avoid feeling bad during the holidays by following a few simple tips.

1. It’s all in the attitude. If you are determined to be miserable during the holidays, you will be. Wish granted! But do you really want that?

2. It is whatever you make it. Create the holidays you want. If you want to be happy during the holidays, close your eyes and daydream about how that will feel. Actually feeling it is important if you are going to create it. See it, smell it, feel it. See yourself curled up all cozy, watching you want on the tv, (not having to share the remote or negotiate on watching sports or kid’s programming versus what you want to see). Smell the hot chocolate, taste the Christmas cookies, feel the warmth of a fire in the fireplace, a cat or dog snuggled up next to you. There is no rule that you can’t have these things just because there is no one else in the room.

3. View it as a test-drive – as reconnaissance work for the future. If your children are spending the holidays with your ex, realize that they are going to grow up and move out someday anyway. There would have been plenty of future holidays without them even if your marriage had stayed intact. This year, test drive many of the options that are available to you, and start exploring the varied ways you can make this new chapter of your life even better than the previous.

4. Different is not automatically worse. People resist change, assuming it will be worse than the status quo. This is not true. Be open to the very real possibility that your new-found freedom will be a good thing, that you will now be able to do things you never could before. And if you need another reason to be convinced that the future will be better – you no longer have to spend the holidays with those obnoxious friends or relatives that came along with your ex. You know who I am talking about. There are always one or two whom you won’t miss.

5. Pamper yourself. You deserve it. You have worked hard and gotten through a difficult year. If you can’t afford a manicure or pedicure – no problem. Grab a bottle of nail polish and do your own. Give yourself a facial and a hot oil treatment. All you need is cold cream and vegetable oil. Kick back, watch too much tv, eat too many snacks, stay in your sweatpants and fuzzy socks all day, sleep as late as you want, and recharge those batteries. You deserve it. Happy Holidays!

Tips for Happy, Fun Holidays After Divorce

The holidays are just around the corner. You have a choice to make. Will you have the holiday from hell, or will you have a wonderful time? To a great extent, it is your choice. After divorce, many things change, including how the holidays are celebrated. People often assume this will cause sadness, but look at it another way. If you always hated going to your in-laws for the holidays, guess what? You don't have to go anymore. Yippee. Now that you are beginning to see the upside to post-divorce holidays, how do you avoid the downside?

One of the most important tips is to plan well in advance. If you haven't already decided where the children are going for the holidays, pick up the phone and do it now. The later you wait, the more likelihood of problems and trampled feelings. Procrastinating will not make the decision go away - it will just make things worse. The better job you do of planning and avoiding problems, the happier the holidays will be for your children.

Another tip is to make new traditions. You may find the kids weren't too crazy about the old ways of doing things, and they might enjoy shaking things up a bit, especially if they get input on the new traditions, such as pizza for Thanksgiving. No, lightning did not strike me when I wrote that. Yes, my son and I have done pizza for Thanksgiving and loved it. We found out we never liked traditional Thanksgiving food, so why eat it? It's a holiday. Eat what you like.

Another tip is to throw out the unrealistic concept of "perfect holidays." A truly perfect holiday is being together, having fun, hanging out, having a food fight with spray cans of whipped cream. A perfect holiday is not measured by having a perfectly decorated house and a rigid schedule of fancy events.

It is important to realize that the first holidays after divorce may be emotional - but don't be surprised if one of the emotions is relief, not sadness. Give yourself permission to be human, and pamper yourself a little during those first holidays. You have been through alot - you deserve it.

If you are alternating holidays with your ex, you will have some holidays without the children. Don't despair. This opens up options that were not possible before. Take some "me" time. Go visit friends in a warm part of the country. Get caught up on sleep. Enjoy being able to go where you want, when you want, with whom you want, and to do what you want. Freedom can be a beautiful thing, especially when you don't automatically assume it will be sad and lonely. It can be a blast.

For more tips on having great holidays after divorce, read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/09/holiday-divorce-advice_n_1082486.html.