10 Most Likely People To Cheat With Your Spouse

Who are the 10 most likely people for your spouse to fool around with? Infidelity or adultery is one of the leading causes of divorce. So who are the "usual suspects?"

According to an article by Marilyn Stowe, a divorce lawyer, link below, the most likely people are: your spouse's fitness instructor, a work colleague, a waitress or bartender met on vacation, the handyman/yard guy, a much younger person (midlife crisis), a friend's spouse, an old flame, a trauma partner (someone who has gone through a difficult experience with or similar to one endured by your spouse), a replacement version of you, and a fantasy person (grass is greener scenario). Consider yourself forewarned.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marilyn-stowe/the-top-10-stereotypical-_b_1235222.html

Suze Orman's Divorce Money Tips

Here is the link to Suze Orman's brief video on financial advice for people who are divorced or are going through divorce - see link below.

Among other things, Suze advises to get your name off of all previous joint debt. She also advises to get divorced after ten years of marriage, not before, because at ten years you are "vested" in your spouse's social security.

For more advice from Suze on how to handle your finances before, during and after divorce, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/09/suze-orman-financial-advi_n_1190863.html?ref=divorce#comments.

8 Rights of Children of Divorce

All children have certain rights, and children of divorced parents need special attention to their rights for them to come through their parents' divorce happy and emotionally healthy. Honoring the following rights of children of divorce will help make that happen.

1. The right to freedom from arguments with your ex-spouse. Arguing in front of the children hurts the children. Your children have to right to not see their parents attack each other, verbally or otherwise.

2. The right to not take sides. Don't make your children pass judgment of their other parent, or take sides. Your children need to love both of you as much as your children need to be loved by both of you.

3. The right to freedom from deceit. Don't ask your children to keep secrets from their other parent. This puts them in the middle, and pressures them to deceive or lie to one parent in order to not betray the other parent.

4. The right to remain silent. Do not use your children to deliver messages to the other parent. No one wants to be the messenger. The messenger gets shot. Don't do this to your child.

5. The right to a childhood. Boundaries are important for the children of divorce. Do not pull your child into discussions of financial issues or adult issues, and do not use your child as your confidant. If you do, you are truly using your child. They don't want to hear you cry on their shoulders. They want to be kids. Go cry to your sister or your friend. Leave your child out of it.

6. The right to a good relationship with both parents. Don't pester your child with constant text messages, phone calls, etc when they are with the other parent. When you do this, you are interrupting whatever the child is doing with the other parent, and interfering with the child's relationship with the other parent. You get your time - leave theirs alone. Don't make the child feel as though he is taffy being pulled between the two of you.

7.The right to calm transitions. Pick ups and drop offs should be looked forward to by the children, not dreaded. If you use these custody exchanges as times to rail on your ex about late child support payments or other complaints, you are subjecting your child to exchanges they will dread. If necessary, avoid contact at exchanges, by having the parent pick the child up from school instead of from the other parent's house.

8. The right to Happiness after divorce. Your child deserves a happy life, both during and after your divorce. This is your divorce, not theirs. You do not have the right to ruin their childhood by trampling on their rights. To do so is selfish and self-centered.

Your child can be very happy, well-adjusted and emotionally healthy, during and after your divorce. Follow these simple guidelines, and you will be well on your way to giving your child one of the greatest gifts of all - a happy childhood.

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julie-a-ross-ma/a-divorced-childs-bill-of_b_1184270.html.

Before You Cohabitate - Read This!

People often decide to forego marriage and live together long-term in order to keep the state from being able to interfere with their lives. If you live in one of the states that still recognizes common law marriage, however, it is possible that you could be considered married under common law. This can have an important impact on your life, in the following ways:

(1) You can still end up in divorce court. You went without the wedding, the bridal showers, the dress and the diamond ring, and can still end up in divorce court? Yes, this can happen, in a common law marriage state.

(2) Your ex-spouse can terminate alimony payments to you. Alimony, also known as maintenance, usually ends upon remarriage. If you are in a common law marriage state, your ex might petition the court to determine that you are married to your live-in partner, and thus, your alimony payments would terminate.

(3) You can be prevented from testifying against your partner in a criminal case. If found to have a common law marriage, the same rules on testifying against a spouse would apply to you.

(4) You might be entitled to wrongful death proceeds or inheritance rights when your partner dies. You could be treated like a regular spouse in this situations, if you are found to have been married by common law.

Most states no longer recognize common law, but if you are in a state that still does, you need to be aware of these possible scenarios.

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/edra-j-pollin/when-does-cohabitation-be_b_1184994.html.

Is Monogamy A Bad Idea?

Are men genetically doomed to cheat? Since most men cheat anyway, should the very concept of monogamy be scrapped?

A new book, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love & The Reality of Cheating, by Eric Winchester, calls monogamy a "socially compelled sexual incarceration" that leaves men angry throughout their lives. He surveyed 120 men, straight and gay, 78% of whom admitted to cheating on their partners. But the funny thing was, these men did not want their partners to cheat on them.

Winchester states that adultery has nothing to do with love, but just means the person wants to have sex with another person, and as such, should not be condemned. He says he is not advocating cheating, but that he is advocating "open and equitable sexual relationships."

He suggests it is not the sexual act of cheating that causes divorce, but being required, by society, to lie about it and cover it up that causes divorce. Is monogamy an outdated notion? Or, for that matter, is marriage? And what about the children who are the product of these various relationships?

For more information, read http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/why-men-need-to-cheat_b_1170015.html.

Is Your Job Causing Your Divorce?

Is stress on the job causing stress in your relationship? Or is your spouse's job causing stress in your relationship? If so, take steps now to prevent your job or your spouse's job from causing you to divorce.

Studies have shown that people who work lots of overtime hours, who have frequent job-related travel and people who have non-standard work hours have higher divorce rates. In the current economy, we are all working harder. Employers are having two people do the work that used to be done by five people. The people who remain on the job are working longer hours and working harder, scrambling to keep their bosses happy, in order to keep their jobs. And with current technology, we are reachable 24/7,which means we all take our work home.

These factors lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. Exhaustion leads to unhappiness, to short tempers, to impatience, even to illness. None of these are conducive to happy, healthy marriages.

If you see yourself or your spouse heading down this path, take a moment and talk to each other. Pull together as a team to get through difficult times. It can strengthen your relationship, rather than pull it apart. If necessary, call in a professional - talk to a family therapist or counselor to get strategies on how to save your marriage.

For more information, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marsha-temlock/did-your-boss-cause-your-_b_1156353.html?ref=divorce.