5 Quick Ways To Bounce Back From Your Divorce in 2012

Alright, so 2011 may not have been a banner year. So what? Throw out that calendar and start fresh. Here are 5 quick ways to bounce back from your divorce and have a much better 2012:

(1) Put yourself out there. Try new things, meet new people. You never know what can happen, and it will be great for your outlook on life.

(2) Try one new thing every month. Read a book, take a class, learn how to do something you have always wanted to do, or something completely off the wall.

(3)Get a better handle on your finances. This will help reduce your stress levels.

(4)Take better care of yourself. You will be a better parent and friend if you are well-rested and healthy.

(5)Make your house truly "yours" and not a shrine to the past. It will greatly improve your outlook and help you look forward to a positive, better life in 2012.

For more information, see this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ann-blumenthal-jacobs/how-to-make-2012-the-star_b_1171873.html?ref=divorce.

5 Easy Tips to Enjoy Separate Holidays

If you have had a change in your family due to divorce, separation, military service or other reasons, this year you may be spending part or all of the holidays by yourself. This may feel a little odd. When things feel odd, people often fall into negative feelings – sadness, loneliness and disappointment.

You can avoid feeling bad during the holidays by following a few simple tips.

1. It’s all in the attitude. If you are determined to be miserable during the holidays, you will be. Wish granted! But do you really want that?

2. It is whatever you make it. Create the holidays you want. If you want to be happy during the holidays, close your eyes and daydream about how that will feel. Actually feeling it is important if you are going to create it. See it, smell it, feel it. See yourself curled up all cozy, watching you want on the tv, (not having to share the remote or negotiate on watching sports or kid’s programming versus what you want to see). Smell the hot chocolate, taste the Christmas cookies, feel the warmth of a fire in the fireplace, a cat or dog snuggled up next to you. There is no rule that you can’t have these things just because there is no one else in the room.

3. View it as a test-drive – as reconnaissance work for the future. If your children are spending the holidays with your ex, realize that they are going to grow up and move out someday anyway. There would have been plenty of future holidays without them even if your marriage had stayed intact. This year, test drive many of the options that are available to you, and start exploring the varied ways you can make this new chapter of your life even better than the previous.

4. Different is not automatically worse. People resist change, assuming it will be worse than the status quo. This is not true. Be open to the very real possibility that your new-found freedom will be a good thing, that you will now be able to do things you never could before. And if you need another reason to be convinced that the future will be better – you no longer have to spend the holidays with those obnoxious friends or relatives that came along with your ex. You know who I am talking about. There are always one or two whom you won’t miss.

5. Pamper yourself. You deserve it. You have worked hard and gotten through a difficult year. If you can’t afford a manicure or pedicure – no problem. Grab a bottle of nail polish and do your own. Give yourself a facial and a hot oil treatment. All you need is cold cream and vegetable oil. Kick back, watch too much tv, eat too many snacks, stay in your sweatpants and fuzzy socks all day, sleep as late as you want, and recharge those batteries. You deserve it. Happy Holidays!

Holiday Custody 102 - Stick To The Schedule

This edition of Holiday Custody concerns thinking about how your actions make your child feel. By this point in time, you should have the custody schedule for the holidays hammered out in detail. The purpose of this article is to raise awareness of how your children feel when you show up late or blow off time with them during the holidays.

When you show up late to pick up your child for a scheduled visit or custody period, it tells your child that whatever you were doing was more important to you than your child is. Doing this during the holidays makes them feel even worse. When someone you love shows up late or cancels on you at the last minute during the holidays, it hurts you even more than it would at other times of the year.

Sometimes parents have a fight or argument during the holidays, and one parent says something like "Fine, then I just won't see the kids on Christmas. You keep them." Perhaps one parent feels he or she is punishing the other parent, but they are really punishing the child. Think about it. Would you beat up your child in order to punish the other parent? What kind of monster would do that? So don't beat up your child's feelings.

Holiday Custody 101

The holidays are upon us. Your children will only have a limited number of holiday seasons in which to make the memories they will remember for the rest of their lives. What do you want those memories to be?

First of all, the holidays are for the children. There is a certain child-like magic of the holidays that few people manage to hold on when they are grown up.

Second, put yourself in your child's shoes for a moment. If you were to close your eyes and imagine your child's idea of a great Christmas, Hanukkah or other holiday, what would it be? I guarantee they would like their parents to get along for the holidays.

When parents argue with each other and squabble over details of visitation and custody arrangements, they RUIN the holidays for their children. Your children would much rather you just got along with each other rather than lash out at each other thinking you are entitled to because of some piece of paper from court. And calling the police on each other in front of the children traumatizes the children, especially during the holidays.

The bottom line is this: Being a parent does not give you the right to ruin the holidays for your children. Play nicely.

The 4 Worst Reasons To Go To Divorce Court

Many people watch television shows and think every divorce case goes to court and has a knock down, drag out ugly divorce trial. Nothing could be further from the truth. Over 90% of divorce cases go not result in a trial. They settle at some point along the way.

Many of the cases that end up in trial should not have gone to trial. They go to trial for the wrong reasons. What are the four worst reasons to go to divorce court?

One, to prove your spouse is a horrible person. Aren't you already convinced that he or she is? Why waste $20,000 or $50,000 or much more to create a bunch of papers that will just be put into a court file? It won't change the person. It will only change how much money you have when the case is over.

Two, to "win" custody of the children. There are no winners in a nasty custody battle. The children are the ones who suffer the most, having to watch their parents viciously attack each other. Don't put them through this needlessly.

Three, your lawyer tells you a trial is the only option. A divorce trial should be the LAST option, not the first option.

Four, you want "satisfaction" for your hurt feelings and betrayal. Read: vindication. Trust me, it will not make you feel better. It will only make you feel poorer.

The bottom line is this - save yourself and your children a huge amount of grief, emotional pain and debt. Consider a nasty divorce trial to be your last option, not the first or only option. And realize that you are being told this by a divorce lawyer, who has nothing to gain financially by telling you to avoid massive legal fees.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-marcy-jones/why-soontobe-exes-should-_b_1126727.html?ref=divorce