What You Can Learn From Fifty Shades of Grey For Life After Divorce

According to Laura Campbell, the author of the article "Fifty Shades of Your New Life After Divorce, there are useful lessons that can be learned from the trendy book, actually trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey that be helpful in your new relationships after divorce. No, she is not referring to the obvious erotic content of the books.

Divorce can leave you overly protective and reactive. This is not conducive to happy, healthy relationships. If you are afraid to let people get close to you, or if you quickly react to things without thinking them through, you can squelch future relationships that could have been good.

We all have baggage, whether we have gone through divorce or not. If, as in Fifty Shades, people question and challenge each other and their baggage with "humor, desire and passion," perhaps good relationships can emerge where it might not have been expected.

Another lesson from Fifty Shades is that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes it is a good idea to look past how things might seem, and try to understand the reasons behind why people do the things they do.

In summary, relationships might be improved if people improve their communication with their partner with curiosity and compassion, not judging each other.

To read the entire article, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-campbell/fifty-shades-of-your-new-_b_1528666.html?ref=divorce."

Family Court Judge Explains Joint Custody and Sole Custody

One of the most confusion aspects of divorce is what label will be applied to the custody arrangement. Some states use the label "primary custody" while others use the label "sole custody." Then there is "joint custody." Parents understandably get emotional about which label will be applied to their case. Imagine if the judge awards "sole custody" to your spouse. What does that leave you? No custody? And when your friends ask you who got custody, isn't it better, as a parent, to be able to say the two of you got joint custody rather than to have to say the other parent got sole custody? It makes it sound as though you are no longer a parent, that you have been stripped of all your rights. And in many cases, if one parent has sole custody, the other parent does not have any right to see the child's school records or medical records or participate in major decisions.

Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of cases in which shutting off one parent from the child is the right thing to do - in cases of abuse, for example. The problem is when the labels take on a life of their own and cause more harm than good, achieving negative results that were never intended.

A family court judge has tried to explain sole custody and joint custody. "Divorce is hard enough, but deciding what type of custody to choose is not only difficult but also fraught with confusion. Unfortunately, because of this confusion, there is a lot of unnecessary expense and heartache." When the parties cannot agree on the labels, the case has to go to trial, and the judge has to make the decision on custody. "It is never an easy decision to make because, with sole custody, while you might have the rights I just mentioned, the trade off is the benefits of maximum contact with both parents. Too often anger at the other spouse influences this decision. But it is never a matter of what the other parent deserves when you put the focus on the children."

To read the rest of the family court judge's article, go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/01/how-to-divorce-how-can-i-get-full-custody_n_1468077.html?ref=divorce.